Somebody Told Me: A True Love Story Part. 2

      Back in the times of Yore, there was a being that was named a Gentleman. A gentleman was a male specimen who would act, speak, and think in a loving manner. They would do this, to attract the female species. The gentleman gene was something that every male had built into his system. The only reason the gentleman system became activated was due to the fact that when a male spoke to a female and emotions became involved the phrase, "I like you," became a giant statement. So as more and more emotions were spoken, the male species felt a sudden surge of power and lust. Now, I'm not sure of the specifics but just like the dinosaurs, the gentlemen species soon became extinct as well. Man, not knowing what to do decided that, "perhaps the females would love anger and aggression instead of compassion," and thus the asshole was born.
      Now as Part. 2 of the True Love Story comes to an end, Part. 3 will be discovering what happened during the gap of the Gentlemen Era and the Decade of the Assholes. Also, we'll discuss the word Chivalry and why and how it to has died...

I Gotta Have It

     Life is the most powerful drug that any one person can be on. That point in life when  the only things you complain about are what you had to eat. I've realized that everything I have in life, I'm grateful for. My only big downers at the moment are school and that I can't get a girlfriend but even then, those two aren't that bad. I'm even glad that I only hangout with a handful of people because those are the people that will make the memories last. I want to be able to tell my kids about all of the adventures that I was able to have. The good, the bad, the wrong, and the right. You know they say, tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are. Well, by the look of my friends, I've chosen quite well. We know how to live life, yes certain measures have to be taken, but in the end there is nothing but laughs filling the room. Life as I said is the greatest drug someone could be on. It's full of wonder and merriment. The greatest part about it, is that while under the influence we tend to learn something new everyday. The lesson for today is enjoy life, if you love to draw, then draw your heart out. If laughing is your pleasure, then as Eddie Murphy once said, "Giggle your motherfucking ass off." We don't know how long we'll live so might as well, do the things that make us happy. Would you rather live to be 40 years old and enjoy every second of it or live to be 100 without doing anything enjoyable? I end with this quote by comedian Gabriel Iglesias, "Why do people measure life by the years, instead of how good the years were?"

Spend Some Time with Me: A True Love Story Part. 1

     You know that old rule about war, where if you don't move or make a sound, the enemy won't have a clue to your location? Well, the same rule could apply to feelings just replace war with relationships and replace enemy with the person you desire. I'm sure we've all been told before that if we don't chase the opposite sex, they'll come to us. That is very true only to a certain degree. You definitely start attracting some people but not the main person that you've had in your cross hairs. There's only a certain amount of things you can do until you seem either creepy or mean.
      Why has that become the case though? Why has it come down to using such drastic measures in order for us to be happy with a significant other? In part 2 of a True Love Story, I will be going back in time to how things used to be and why things can't be that way now...

I'd Kill 'em All if I Could

      Be warned that this will probably be my loudest and most curse filled post to date. If you don't like it well, then this post is for you. 


       Fuck you for running out on your girlfriend to be with some cum-dumpster bitch. Fuck you, if you've ever let that one good guy go, just because you wanted to be with some dick-head. Fuck all of the guys who have impregnated their girlfriends and left them for no reason other than, "I'm not ready to have a kid." Fuck the Dumb asses who tell people to mind their own business and yet put up a status or send a text forcing you to immediately ask, "whats wrong?" Fuck everyone who says that your dreams are stupid and that you'll never amount to anything. I can continue on and on with this list of fucks, my main point for this entire post is Fuck everyone that's in your life and aren't letting you live your life. Fuck those who have done you wrong, fuck the ones who have used you and abused you. Fuck the people that aren't letting you be You...

My Excuse is that I'm Young

       There comes a point in every young adults life where you realize that you don't give a fuck about what people think of you. People will always give you the judgmental eyes, the way you take it and act on it, truely shows your emotions towards them. In my case, the only people's opinions I care about are my parents and brother. My brother is older, so he knows exactly what I'm going through. My mom, has the mom type of attitude so she worries and gets mad but I always do something to make her see the upside of my actions. My dad's opinion is the only one I can't physically see and it's the only one that actually worries me a little. I know that certain things I do, don't make him happy but I believe that the positive changes in my life, make him proud. My family and friends, their opinions don't really matter to me, I know who I am, I don't need anyone telling me otherwise. So to you, my reader, I tell you this. Fuck what everyone else thinks about you, the only opinion that matters is yours. So just do what you have to do and as you achieve your own glory, watch while these nobody's sit there with their mouths open.

I'd Rather Be With You

I recently found out just how much getting into a relationship changes you. I'm always happy whenever someone I know gets to be with the one they've been going crazy for. It gives me that satisfaction because considering the type of person that I am, I know that they came to me for help, so of course I played matchmaker. It doesn't suck as bad until the one that you've been crushing on gets into a relationship, especially if all they do is talk to you about the person they're crushing on. The worst part is that while you have to just sit there and listen to them praise the other person, you're thinking, "you should be with me, Fuck him/her." Then, when they make it official, and they talk to you, you go ahead and make a small joke or remark and they get really pissed at you. So I guess what I want to say is, Fuck the person that isn't allowing you to be with your crush. Once your crush finds a crush and it's not you, then the crush you have for your crush, will be crushed...

Easy to Dream a Dream, Though it's Harder to Live It

We've all had dreams about our futures. Some are very outrageous, others could very easily happen. For instance, I had a dream a couple of months back that I was on Good Morning America, promoting my book, which received a very high praise and was put on the New York Bestsellers list. What shocked me the most, was once I woke up, I realized that it could possibly happen. Of course before I am able to become a professional, I have to graduate with a degree. I can't help but think however, that maybe school is actually just slowing down my ultimate future. I mean some of the greatest, smartest, and wealthiest people didn't attend college. Everyday my mind fills with ideas for wonderful stories and tales, that I can clearly see being turned into a book. I can't help but think however that maybe I wasn't destined to attend school or possibly I'm destined for something much better and maybe writing is just a hobby. Whatever my future brings, I'll love what I do because I'm destined for Greatness...

You'll Probably Know it's You After the First Sentence

We've all put ourselves out there for someone we care deeply about. We've poured our emotions out to the point where we're damn near passing out over love-loss. Now, if you remember correctly, a couple of entries ago, I told you the story of the girl who I loved and how I let her slip away. Well, recently I showed her what I wrote and explained in full, just how I really felt about her. You know how you sometimes picture how you want a result to turn out. Well, in my eyes, I was hoping that she was going to call me up, crying and saying that she loved me in the exact same way. Then, reality hit and I remembered that she now goes to school in Rhode Island and it would be impossible for us to be together. No one likes being heartbroken, especially me, you would think that after all the times that it's happened I would be used to it. But if it wasn't meant to be, then I guess I have my answer. While I think about this loss, I can't help but feel that my heart might have a different person in mind for my Ms. Right...

Nice and Slow

   Food for Thought II:
       Every female at least once in her life has said, "Guys are only interested in one thing." Sex is everywhere we look. In commercials, TV shows, movies, video games, etc. Hell, the human being thinks about sex at least 1/8 during their day and we do it without even necessarily thinking about it. Now it could be because I've never had any but sex to me isn't really a big priority when it comes to a relationship. I mean when I'm talking to a girl if the situation comes up and I were to get it then fine but if I don't get it that's ok as well. I mean I didn't start talking to you just so I could have sex, I started talking to you to perhaps enhance our friendship to a more comfortable level. It's weird though, I mean it's a diagnosed gene in men that every guy has pictured himself having sex with the majority of his female friends. Now, Once Again I hear girls say that all guys want from them is sex and that's not always true but then again, as Dr. John Dorian once said, "No one knows how important sex is, than the guy not getting any..."

Unforgettable

The Great Greek Philosopher Plato once said, " Love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, and the amazement of the Gods." As my Regretful Trilogy comes to a stop, I can't help but be grateful to the fact that she wasn't around when I entered my Sorrow phase. I guess that's my fault though. I pushed everyone away even her. I betrayed her, time and time again. I remember one day in French class, she became very sad because the Seniors only had a month left before they all graduated. So I told her, "Don't worry I'm gonna be around all the time, you'll still have me, I won't be at this school, but I'll be in the area." She replied with a simple yet very powerful, "No, you won't." It's true, I never once showed up to say hi, or take her somewhere. I betrayed her, I didn't keep my promise, I acted like a total ass. I do wonder however, If I would've kept my promise, If I would've told her how I really felt after my dad died, would my life have become such a complete downward spiral? So, a couple of days ago we talked and she wished me a happy birthday and it was right then and there, that I realized how badly I screwed everything up between us.
   You know they say, "Good things are hard to come by." Well she was my best thing, it's weird but when we were talking back in high school, I felt unbeatable like no one could touch me because I had her by my side. And I blew it, which pretty much explains why I haven't tried contacting her until just recently. I was ashamed of myself. I mean her feelings towards me, are probably of a really good friend whose gone missing in action. If that's the case, then how come my feelings for her still continue to be those of someone I know I could have a future with. She's starting to be in everyone of my dreams just like when we were talking. Talking to her for that split second, reminded me of everything that I loved about her. The funny thing being that I know for a fact that she'll read this, well because I'm going to send it to her. If she were able to see into my mind and swim around in my thoughts, she'd see that I literally picked out each and every event of our future, down to what our living room would look like. Now, some people may think I'm crazy and they might be right but to me it's just love. She's the first girl that I've fallen this hard for, and I guess I fell so hard that I haven't been able to get back up. The sad thing is, is that if you looked through my eyes and you saw her, you'd be able to see us sharing a lifetime together. I wonder what I would see if I looked at myself, through her eyes...

The Longest Text Message

So question, have you ever been so caught up in the moment that you accidentally say the worst possible thing to say and then you piss off the girl of your dreams? Well I did that a lot, we always had talks about our future and what would happen after I left for college. And right when I had her blushing and dreaming of what could be, my ass just comes out of nowhere with a stupid comment and bang, ruins the whole conversation. Now ladies and gentleman, I am not perfect, hell nobody is, but come on. Everyone knows that you don't open your mouth when the mood is right where you want it to be. So skipping ahead to February 7th. I get a call at around 2: 17 a.m., telling me to pack my bags because I'm headed to Nicaragua. So I'm packed up and pretty scared and confused, when I decide to text her about whats happening. She immediately calls me and we talk for a couple of minutes. I tell her I love her, that no matter what happens that I'm thankful she's in my life.
  After a couple of days in Nicaragua, I'm able to text her with the news that my dad has gone to a better place. She replied with ," Oh Richard." It's weird isn't it, I'm sometimes able to sense the emotions behind a text and I can't help but feel that she was crying for me during all this. So I tell her, "Yea sunshine, and I know he would've loved to meet you." Which is true, I remember showing my dad her picture one day and he told me that she was gorgeous and that I should treat her well. When I get to school, a couple of days later, I see her waiting for me outside of one of her classes, we talked for a little bit and then she went into the classroom. Now to this day, this would have to be on my top 5 list of things I regret the most. Instead of just talking to her, I should've hugged her and never let her go. I should've told her how much I needed her, how much I loved her, and how without her, I don't know how I would be able to survive whatever happens to me. But it's a funny thing, just like in an argument, you don't think of the perfect thing to say until about a day or so later. In Part: 3 or the Finale of my Regretful Trilogy, we will find out. How I lost her, How I betrayed her, and How now, I can't stop thinking about her...

Love Causes the Same Chemical Reaction in the Brain as Insanity

Someone once said, "To regret something is to hang yourself with your own noose. Mental suicide." These past couple of days, due to my birthday, have been filled with a lot of thinking about my past. Regret is something that no one can ignore. We always tend to regret even the smallest of things. For instance, maybe you wanted to take a class one year but couldn't or maybe you regret saying "this" instead of saying "that." So, during my senior year of high school, I started talking to this girl in my French class. She was a big cutie, so of course I was attracted to her but if I would've known just how head over heels I would fall for her, then I would've been able to prepare for what was in store. So when we first started talking, she kept telling me about this boy problem that she was dealing with. So being the nice guy that I am, I helped her out and gave her a couple of tips.
     So after a couple of days of talking, I started falling for her. And if there is one thing you must know about me, it's that if I fall for someone then I fall HARD! So as the days passed, my crush on her just got bigger and bigger until I couldn't help myself and I told her what the deal was. To my surprise, I learned that she too had a crush on me. So come time that Monday, when French class came around, guess who couldn't help but keep smiling the whole damn time. We even went as far as sitting next to each other while doing a group activity and kept just playfully messing with each other. Now as Sebastian the crab once said, "She don't got a lot to say but there's something about her..." Considering, we've both been hurt in the past by past crushes, we didn't want to jinx anything. So that Christmas, we decided that we would buy each other something and then we would hang out one day at my house and exchange gifts while watching her favorite movie, The Little Mermaid. That day never came however, so the time that we had that could have made the deal for us to become a couple never happened. So as part: 1 of my story comes to a conclusion, be aware that when part: 2 comes into play, we'll get to see how after the death of my dad, I messed up what could have ultimately saved my life...

Soundtrack 2 My Life

The great Albert Einstein once wrote, " The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once." In a couple of hours, it is going to be my birthday. That one special day of the year where I get to Thank God for letting me live another full year. The big difference about this birthday however is that I'm turning 20. You know time never seems to fade us. We can still remember things we did when we were 5 and they feel as though we just did them. But now that I realize it, I'm able to categorize my life into time. For instance, I know that one year from now I will officially be 21 which makes me legal to drink/buy alcohol anywhere I please. In a matter of 5-7 years, I plan to at least have my family started. In 8-10 years, I will hopefully be working as a full blown writer and share stories with everyone around the world. I'll also be able to attend my 10 year high-school reunion and see all the old faces that I no longer communicate with. After that however, I can't fill in the gaps. For instance, who in my family will still be alive in 20 years when I'm 40? Will I even live to be 40? And yet, is my mind so advanced that I have to keep thinking about my future instead of the present? The sad thing being that I can only help but think of the trials and tribulations that will probably re-enter my life. Guess I should start thinking about my birthday wish now...

Food for Thought Pt. 1: Sorry Jr, I Already Ruined Ya

Everyone in the world loves music, it's the one thing that everyone can actually agree on. No matter what your genre, music is a part of who you are and who you were meant to be. A great composer by the name of Frederick Delius once said, "Music is an outburst of the soul." Now I myself have mentioned music a couple of times in past entries and today shall be no different. A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to this song titled, New Day. The song has to do with the two artists talking to their future kids about the hardships that they had to go through and hopefully their kids don't have to go through the exact same things. Now after listening to it the first time, I couldn't help but think about my future kids. Music tends to do that to us, it makes us believe that the song was meant for us and us only. So while thinking about my offspring, I couldn't help but fill my mind with wonderment. For instance, If I am to become a renowned writer, what will my kids think about my past trials and tribulations? Will they themselves have to deal with the same demons that I dealt with? Will they be the same age for my death, as I was for my father's death? If I die way before my time, will that grief and sorrow push them to write about their own misfortunes? And while I ask myself these questions about my children's future, I can't help but think. Are all my inner demons so intense that they have already ruined the lives of my future children? Have I already ruined who they were supposed to be without them being alive? I fear that things have just begun, for me and my future family...

You Never Gave Me Any Sign

First off,
     Relationships are complete bullshit. We all think we want something when in reality, we don't know jackshit. Girls say they want a sweet and wholesome guy and yet they go out with the dickhead who wouldn't even give it a second thought to treat her to a little "Chris Brown" snack. Guys say they want a good girl, a girl who can be trusted and won't sleep around, yet they automatically go for the dirtiest, nastiest chick out in the wild. So Rule #1- If you think you found your ideal partner, the person that would be willing to do anything for you within the drop of a hat, your more confused than you give yourself credit for. Like Eddie Murphy once said, "Everyone has a skeleton in their closet, hell some people might even have cemeteries in there."
Secondly,
   Guidance is key. Usually once someone is fed up with letting their hormones take control of their lives, they say the one thing that everyone eventually says, "I'll just let them come to me." Now in reality this could work both ways, or at least in my experience that's how it's worked. When you take a halt in the race of love, you tend to find yourself more aware of your surroundings. You seem to become more attractive to the opposite sex because you are no longer acting like a lost puppy. But at the same time, If you thought you were lonely while you were chasing someone down, then when your attempting to let them come to you, you will feel incredibly alone. Rule #2- Follow your body, if your soul/gut/heart tell you to stop searching and take a rest, then by all means chill-out. But if on the other hand it tells you to search twice as hard, then your ass better get a map, a compass, and start asking for directions just in case.
Lastly,
   Feelings will always play a key role in the decision making. When you like someone, you automatically must know if they like you because if their feelings aren't the same as your feelings then the only one you'll be feeling is yourself. In other words, don't throw your heart into the spike pit unless you know someone is willing to catch it. It happens all the time where two people like each other but one of them doesn't make a move so the entire opportunity is lost. So Rule #3- Timing is everything. Don't hesitate, if you know for a fact that your crush deeply likes you, then you should immediately go up to them and just sweep them off their feet. A two person love is better than making a batch of knuckle children by yourself...

How Did I Become The Leader of a Billion Men

If you had the opportunity to wish for one single thing, what would it be? You have an unlimited amount of time to decide, the only catch being it has to be something with an emotional background. It has to have the ability to make you feel how you have never felt before. If you were to ask everyone in the world, half would say something ridiculous and the other half would ponder and come up with a very heartfelt answer. Perhaps this is all due to my birthday being in a month, but perhaps not. It makes you wonder though, just like making a letter to Santa, getting three wishes from a Genie, or blowing out your candles on your birthday. Maybe we as a society came up with these ideas of wishing to help out those who were desperate and needy for just a sliver of satisfaction. For all we know however these wishing grants actually do work. Although, if that's the case then maybe what I'm wishing for isn't exactly the best thing to be wishing for. Should I continue wishing for this specific thing, even though I've only been asking for it for two years I feel that if I bother someone long enough, something will happen. The thing is, if my wish were granted, I would be able to go back to the original person I used to be. But at the same time, if I were to lose that part of me all over again, the monster that grew in me over the loss the first time would completely take over, shutting the world around me and leaving me in complete darkness...

Can We Please Have a Moment of Silence

Charlie Chan wrote, "Death is the only appointment we must keep, and for which no time is set." For the past couple of days, I have actually been thinking about death. Whether it's my own or my dad's, it's been twirling in my head like a gnat at a picnic. Death is the one thing I absolutely fear. I may hate doing a chore or hate crickets but nothing scares me more than dying. It just doesn't make sense that one minute, I'll be here and the next I won't. Death to me, has to feel like when your in a deep sleep and in a heavy dream but it's really peaceful and your dreaming about all of your dead relatives and you can't seem to figure out if it's really happening or if it's all a dream. My biggest fear other than dying however, is dying at a young age. Not living my life to its fullest potential. Not having the satisfaction of seeing my grandchildren or hell even the son/daughter I hope to have. It's odd though, in our most desperate times, we can't help but wonder. If I were to die today, would anybody miss me? So you can't help but imagine yourself, looking down towards the ground pretending that people are actually caring that you died. So as I conclude, I can't help but ask if you had the choice of either knowing how you were going to die or knowing the exact date you were going to die which would you choose? No matter how disturbing the result, you can't help but feel that you'll finally be able to live your life even if your trip to the pearly gates is in a matter of hours...

DVR My Thoughts, Make Your TiVo Grow

Winston Churchill wrote, " They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds." Why do we as human beings tend to strive for perfection? Why do we always aim to be the best of the best at whatever it is we're doing? We look for perfection everywhere, in our jobs, in our homes, in our relationships. Perfection is unrealistic, it doesn't exist. The reason being is because nothing can ever truly be perfect no matter how hard you want it to be. You can always say that something is flawless and free of fault but in reality, the shit is as twisted and double sided as a DNA double helix. So does that mean that we should lower our expectations from a perfect 100% to a mere 99%? In all reality, yes. The fact is nothing will ever be perfect. You may be the ideal husband/wife and you could have the greatest spouse and the greatest kids. You could live in the greatest house in the greatest town but out of all that greatness there will be one flaw that will somehow be the main point in the life that you've made for yourself. So you should ask yourself, would I rather live in a world with flaws, with faults, that's not completely perfect? Or would I rather live in a perfect, happy go lucky world all by myself? While you decide that, I'll be over here on the imperfect world, making my future the way I want to. It may be imperfect, but at least I'll know that I was the one who made it...

Life Is Your Professor

Winston Churchill wrote, "Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm." As Graduation time approaches and leaves us once again, I can't help but feel a little sad and confused. Sad mainly for those who are going to lose friendships, friendships that damn near took them 12+ years to create. I know first hand. In High School you have your group of friends and it could be a really big group but by the time your first semester of college comes along, that big group of your friends tends to decline at least by one person everyday. When you realize it, you now have a small circle of friends and all of those people that once populated your group are now just faceless statues filling up space in your memories. The confused part comes with Time. Time, as we all know, is probably the hardest thing to ever understand. It seems like just months ago that I graduated from High School, when in reality it has already been 2 years. Now, I haven't done much in these 2 years, except for create a blog, lose my heart, and lose my mind. But even then we as humans tend to take time for granted on account that we're always thinking that Time will always be here with us. When in fact, we'll be here one second and never know what the hell happened to us the next. So to anyone who reads this that has graduated or will graduate, just remember. Don't take things, mainly Life for granted, it's our only one so might as well have as much fun as possible. They say Life is a test. But most of the time, Life is a 500 question exam with 3 Essays and not even you may know the topic...

I Leave Females In My Sheets And All My Feelings In A Rubber

Edmund Burke wrote, "The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse." So it has come to my attention that certain females in today's world love a little abuse. Now, I'm for girls liking assholes and stuff, but if the dude is actually putting his hands on you and whooping your ass, then I think it's time to either call the cops or call a doctor, cause something is wrong. And do you want to know the worst part? The girls go back to the abuse. What the Fuck for? For instance, I know of this one girl who is currently dating this guy that apparently abuses her. The guy was in my last post about the guys bailing on their pregnant girlfriends. Apparently, this guy has beat quite a few of his past flames and the weird thing is, they have all run back to him. I actually asked one of my friends, what the big attraction was towards this jackass and she told me that, "Girls love a bad boy." So I immediately said, "Well yea, but I bet they don't love the part where they're getting their ass kicked by him." Seriously, has it come to the point in today's world where in order to get full satisfaction out of a guy, you'll just let him beat you around a bit. I mean God damnit, I always wondered what the hell was wrong with me because I couldn't get a girl to notice me. Now I realize that its because I wasn't making a little fist to face action? And girls wonder why the hell guys don't understand any of their shit, interesting isn't it...

A Lot of Father's Showing Off, Instead of Showing Up

Theodore Hesburgh once wrote," The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." In a couple of hours it will be my dad's birthday, he would've turned 44. Now, I for one loved my dad to an extreme amount. Now in my honest opinion, I think that every kid deserves each parent. This is why it pisses me off whenever I see a girl that's just a teenager with a baby bump and the baby daddy isn't doing a damn thing to help her. For example, I knew a couple of guys during high school that got their girlfriends pregnant. As soon as they found out they were like, "Alright, well it was great knowing you, call me after 9 months and we'll talk." And then they go with some other girl, like if nothing ever happened. Really? Your not a fucking man if you do that shit, you can't just dump the girl just because she's going to have a baby. It's your baby too, so that makes it even more fucked up. A father is supposed to be there for his kids, share his wisdom, his joy, hell even his fears. That's why I've already decided that whenever I'm lucky enough to have kids, I'm going to love them and care about them. I hope to be that cool dad, the one that all my kid's friends go " Mr. G, your so beast!" I can already tell I'm going to be a bitchin' dad, do you want to know how? Cause I learned from the best...

You Don't Remember Me, Do You?

It's soul wrenching when you see somebody that you haven't seen for a long time and they just don't acknowledge you. And it's always somebody that you have history with, you went to Elementary, Middle, and High School together. Best friends throughout the entire damn thing, and then in comes College and your a fucking ghost to them. Or maybe your history isn't even that advanced but you still have history with the person, you helped them out of a tough situation, you comforted them when they needed a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. Stuff people write in the yearbooks are always filled with things like, "I'll never forget you," or "don't forget about me." And then when you see them and give that person a hug or give them a handshake, you think to yourself, "You don't even remember who the fuck I am, so why are you pretending to be all nice..." It's a mystery isn't it. The stuff that used be is no longer what it once was. The stuff that was very near and dear to you is now just a speck being taken in the wind. Friends are like haircuts, it doesn't matter how long you have a friend in your life eventually the friendship will be cut off. It will be put in place by another friendship just to be cut off again, until one day your old and grey with no hair on your head wondering what the hell happened to all of your so called "Friends..."

My Only Friend Is My Misery

John Mitchell once said, " Our attitude towards life determines life's attitude towards us." During the course of the past couple of weeks, I've been in a specific mood. The type of mood where you can't stand being told what to do by anyone especially your family. Now I don't know if it's because of my new haircut, I don't know if it's because of my whole new Rebel Without A Cause summer phase, but something about me doesn't seem like the norm. Now, I'll admit that when people start telling me what to do, it does irritate me, I mean I'm almost 20, damn near an adult, I should be able to make my own decisions. Now I do realize however, that my family is probably looking out for me but it's my stubbornness that makes me "lash out" and I guess create a small dispute.  So is my stubbornness and my ego the reason why I can't get a job, the reason why no girl considers me as boyfriend material? Is the Law of Attraction really to be put on the spot light? I can't help but think. Maybe I'm not determined to be a writer, will I be a success? Will my book(s) be a bust? I've had dreams where I'm on TV promoting my stuff but is that enough? Do I have to start living for the future or do I struggle with trying to survive the present? And while I continue to ask these questions, I can't help but think that I still have some unanswered questions that I buried, my past is coming back to haunt me, all over again...

It's Just Textbook Stuff

   Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "Do not waste yourself in rejection; do not bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good." We all love being accepted. No matter where, at what time, or even when, being accepted into some place makes you feel like the king of the hill. Why is it then that the majority of the things we take a chance on get shot down by Acceptance's little sister, Rejection. Rejection can be a real bitch when she wants to be. Whether it's from a job, a college application, or even a relationship. No one likes being rejected, no one likes having that feeling of "I'm not worthy enough." The weird thing is, that rejection will always be a part of our lives. It all depends on how we deal with the rejection that makes us or breaks us. But once again, consider a relationship or not even a relationship, just consider a friend. Friends will always reject you for others, that's just how it is. But does it come to a point, where all of this rejection is enough and you end up calling them out on it. For instance, say you don't talk to a friend for a couple of weeks and then they suddenly call you and don't even say, "hey, how are you?" They immediately go into whatever the hell they called you about. Now, not only does this show that they don't care but it also shows that your nothing but another person to them. In return, you call them out on it, not even leaving them with enough space to come up with something smart to say. So if you think about it, is rejection really all that bad? Or does it give you the chance to open your eyes and your mind to new opportunities?...

The Other Me

I just got through watching a trailer for a movie titled "Another Earth." It's basically about this other earth that just randomly appeared in the sky and it shares everything with our Earth, including the people. So the trailer actually makes you think. If there were a parallel universe or if there were a second Earth, what would the other you be like? Would they share the same mistakes that you've made? Would they be better or worse than the you of this Earth? Would they have your same flaws and weaknesses? Or would they be the exact opposite of you completely? Would the disasters that happen on this Earth not occur in the other one? If someone died that was close to you, does that mean that they would still be alive on the other Earth? I guess one would never be able to find out. It seems to me that the "other Earth" would be just like a butterfly effect. In the sense that, if something happened to Earth one, it would be pointless to try and prevent it on Earth two because no matter how hard you try one way or another, it's going to happen. So as I sit here scratching my head at the possibilities at another Earth, I leave you with one final question. If there were another Earth, would you want to meet yourself?...

Here's my Prescription

I saw the girl that's been roaming around in my head today. As I drove her home and she was telling me about how her life has been, she told me that she has recently been in many down moods. It's hard when you have feelings towards somebody and you see them like this and all you want to do is hold them and never let go until they're alright. But all I could do was stare at her and share some wisdom with her, that's it. Sure at the end she gave me a hug but maybe its just me. But when I receive a hug from her I always expect something else to happen, some sort of spark or magic. You know the final notch on the belt, so that things can finally be how they are supposed to be. Like Tinkerbell in the beginning of every Disney movie coming out and waving her magic wand type of ordeal. The weird thing is though, is that I have no idea what I'm feeling, of course I can't get her out of my mind but in the meantime I have to handle my own personal business. So my mind is basically having a juggling contest between these two thoughts. Whatever the case is between me and her, there's only one real question that I have to ask myself; Is she worth the wait? And the answer is: yes, because it's not just one thing about her that has me dumbfounded, it's everything. Her beauty, her wit, her emotion, it's all poetry. I mean it's no wonder I wrote a blog about her a while back. So as I conclude my Worthwhile trilogy, I start to think about what her feelings are towards me. And I don't really care, I'm in her life for a reason, and no matter what the outcome is of this waiting game, I love my place right where it is...

The Doctor can't Diagnose what I Have.

Have you ever liked someone just to have them like you back and you find out that they were playing you the whole damn time? In the 19 years I've been living, I have had 2 separate encounters of this category. One of them was a couple of years back. This female and I began to talk just as friends at first. We went on a couple of "dates" I guess you could call them. A couple of months passed by and I fell deeper and deeper for her. All of my friends kept telling me, "Richard, don't do it man she doesn't really like you," etc etc. For some reason whenever I'm surrounded by affection and the embrace of someone, I tend to become blind and oblivious to what others tell me. So of course I didn't pay attention to my friends and by the end of my junior year of high school I came to realize that the entire time she was playing the hell out of me. The other girls story happened last year. We randomly began talking via Facebook and one thing led to another and we began texting. So I started catching feelings but I told myself I wouldn't let my guard down until she said something. So she finally tells me that she has feelings for me so I tell her the same thing and we began seeing each other before and after she had school. We talked and hung out for about a month and a half. Then one day, I text her and she doesn't reply which sort of confused me due to the fact that she always and I mean ALWAYS had her phone. But I brush it off, then at night I get a text from her saying hi. A couple of texts later the conversation dies. So the next day approaches and again she doesn't reply so I immediately assume something's up. So on the third day I decide not to do anything and BAM, we ended all forms of communication. No explanation, no excuse necessary. The really fucked up thing about this girl is that out of all of the awful and soul crushing shit that happened to me last year, she was the best thing. Really? Now you know it's been a bad year when the best thing to happen to you is a girl who teased the hell out of you for shits and giggles. 

      Now as I conclude Part 2 of if people are worth waiting for, I start to think about my old crushes. For some reason the majority of the girls I had a crush on, all either had a boyfriend or were just getting out of a really shitty relationship. So now I wonder, am I just going for the girls that are most vulnerable? Or do I believe that by me liking them, then maybe they can like me and see what it's like to have a real genuine guy in their life. Whatever the hell the answer is, I still can't help but wonder. Is this really worth it?...

Part 3 Coming Soon

Welcome to my Asylum

          A question for my readers, Whenever you tell someone that you like them/love them, do you think about them the 24 hours in a day? It's a weird feeling isn't it, you tend to think about that person non-stop. Wondering what they're doing, whether or not they're thinking about you and the majority of the time they're not. I guess unless that person tells you that they like you first, in reality they have no feelings towards you. It's a weird and unpredictable way of thinking about it but if you ponder the thought, it's true. Guys, you tell a girl you like them. What do they do? "Aw that's so sweet, listen I love spending time with you but I don't want to jeopardize anything." Girls, you tell a guy you like them. And they lead you on, while behind your back they're most likely banging your best friend, her best friend and her mom. So why do we as a society tend to put our hearts out there? Is it actually to show affection or is it that we as individuals tend to do desperate shit when we feel vulnerable and lonely? But sometimes, you actually do find someone. That person that you can't even look at them without feeling butterflies. And yet, maybe its fate or witchcraft but something always gets in the way of you two being together. So you always say, "Don't worry, I'll wait for you." But as days pass by your wondering if you should really wait for them, so you start asking your friends and/or your sibling for advice. And they tell you the deal, "If the person is legit, then they are worth the wait." So I ask you this, have you ever waited for someone? Was the wait really worth it?...
      Part 2 Coming Soon...

Feelings Got In The Way: The Friends with Benefits Story

Aristotle once said, "A friend is a soul that resides inside two bodies." Friends can come to you in many forms. Whether it be a parent, a sibling, or hell even a pet. Friends were specifically designed to be there when you need them. They're the ones that help you through tough times, they help you through trouble, and even get you into trouble. There are certain problems though when it comes down to having a friend of the opposite sex. Mainly due to the fact that, sooner or later feelings will start to grow stronger. Meaning that either them or you will want to take your friendly relationship to the next level. Certain times however, there comes a point where the whole "friends with benefits," situation comes together. Having a beneficial friend is like having a special toy. You've had this toy for many years, you love this toy, and you enjoy its company. But sooner or later, the toy is going to be given to another person for them to play with and this just leaves you confused and lonely. Here is where the feelings come into play. I don't think the whole friends with benefits thing works, mainly due to the fact that you mess around with that person long enough as soon as they go out with someone else, your going to feel like your heart just got ripped out. So my question is, if you fall for your beneficial friend, can you stay friends with them even though deep down you will always want something more?...Think about it.

The Game of Chance is below Risk and above Sorry

Does chance really work? Flipping a coin, rolling the dice, shuffling a deck and magically picking out a card. Does taking a chance actually benefit the person taking it? And the answer is: who knows. In my 19 years of living, I have taken multiple chances and opportunities. Some working towards my benefit, some working at a disadvantage. But in the end, I always seem to ask myself, "Was it really worth it?" Going into a relationship is one of the biggest games of chance a human being could possibly play. Picking one card out of a deck of thousands and that one card is by chance determined to be a soul mate. But like every game, there is always a combination of guilt, blame, and agony. Which in turn causes the game to be controlled by Chance's evil little sister, Heartbreak. A broken heart will hurt but it will heal. There is no point in dwelling on what happened. Now you just have t o dwell on what will happen. But now that sweet and innocent card that you picked has turned into a demon and it's slowly but surely bringing you down into its insane world. I guess thats what relationships do to you. Some guys do everything possible for their girls and the girls do the same. But the majority of the time only one half of the team is actually doing something useful and when the other half is actually questioned, not a single fuck is given. So in the end, Was it really worth it?...

She was Grace, in name and in essence.

 It comes to a surprise when you find certain people in your life that have actually changed you. Maybe it was from a phrase they used to say, an old habit they used to do, etc. For instance, my great uncle used to open every bottle and/or jar by first hitting the bottom. I would ask him, "why are you doing that?" He would reply with, "I'm just taking out the demons..." after that moment, every bottle or jar I grab I slap it on the bottom and it opens. Just from one little gesture, my life has changed even if it was just something small. Chatting with a friend of mine, I came to realize that she too was someone that has changed my life. She has gone through many things during her life which is one of the many things we have in common. But her elegance, her intelligence, her strengths, her weaknesses, her pain, her sorrow, her effort. It has all impacted me. She showed me that it doesn't matter if the package is small, that the most amazing things come from them. There's a poem I once heard and it said," Nothing from the first day I saw her and no one that has happened to me since has ever been as frightening and as confusing. For no person have I ever known has ever done more to make me feel more sure or more insecure or more important and less significant." Without her, who knows if I would still be the same person I am now, maybe because I met her my life now actually means something. Thank you...

Everybody Dies, But Not Everybody Lives

Two years have now gone by since my dad passed away. I wasn't expecting anything different today then the usual sadness. My agenda was as follows: went to church, bought some flowers, went home, put the flowers in water, then went to sleep for a couple of hours. As days turn into weeks and weeks into months, you start to realize that you take everything in life for granted. For instance, sometimes your parents irritate you, sometimes your hungry but your too picky to eat something. If you really think about it however, there are people far far worse off than you. Kids who grow up not knowing who their parents are, people who beg for just even a slice of bread. Certain holidays happen in this manner. Take Mother's day or Father's day, we just look at it as a day that we buy our parent a gift and tell them we love them. But when you get inside the fabric of the holiday's you start thinking. Those days were specifically built so that you would praise the people who made you, you. You praise your mom for every minute she spent trying to put you back to sleep when you had a nightmare. You praise your dad for always being able to make you laugh and work his ass off just so you could have toys and stuff to play with. Praise both your parents for the love they have given you, for some of it may be tough love but Damnit that does not mean they don't love you. What I'm saying is, don't take shit for granted. No matter how small it could be, the day it gets taken away from you, it'll break your soul. So cherish it, cherish every moment whether good or bad. It could always be worse...

Judge A Tree From Its Fruit, Not From Its Leaves

Everywhere in the media, Religion is always a key factor to certain people. I say if you were born to believe in something and it’s helped you out so far then keep believing in that, no matter what other people say. Religion however interferes with Human Sexuality. I remember one time; this father and son team came to my house. They were Jehovah’s witnesses. The man asked me,” What are your opinions about gays and lesbians, in the bible it says that in the afterlife, they will not be allowed to be with God for he believes they disobeyed him.” So I just told him, “Look we can’t help who we fall in love with, who are we to say that it’s wrong for a man to love another man or a woman to love a woman. It’s not our business and if God doesn’t want them in heaven then maybe they should consider another God.” The look on this man’s face after I was done telling him this was priceless. He was so disturbed and frustrated by my smart ass answer that he just said thank you and he left. He knew that I was right, we don’t have the right to judge others by who they love and if Homosexuals weren’t part of Gods plans then maybe they should look for a new God. Marriage is also a big puzzle. You can't marry him/her because of their ethnicity or they're the wrong religion. Fuck all of that, if the person you are with cares about you, loves you, and would do anything for you then by all means spend the rest of your life with that person. I’m not knocking anyone’s religion or saying one is wrong and one is right, but when it comes to happiness, I believe happiness wins above everything else...

MMXI: The Start of Starting Fresh

As I closed down 2010, I remembered all of the bad that happened to me. Relationship problems, Physical problems, Emotional problems, the list goes on. I put those memories to rest by setting them on fire! Now in the era of '11, new beginnings means a fresh new start to everything. It's only been 17 days since the year started and yet it feels a month or 2 in, but with these 17 days incredible things have happened. School is going to kick my ass but all of my professors are amazing, there are girls by the barrel full so I just have to get my monkey's together. I no longer hate everything and everybody, I mean I do hate certain situations and I do dislike how certain people treat other people but what are you going to do about it? Life goes on, no matter what happened to you yesterday, you always have to live for today because you don't even know if tomorrow is going to come. So as I start off this blog year, I want to say, cherish everything you have and/or had because in one single blink of the eye it could vanish. Worry not about what others are doing, only worry about you and those that you love.  Do not worry about making simple mistakes for you will learn from them and hell even sometimes your mistakes were worth it because it ended up being the right choice in the end. And finally, make sure to write down every bad experience you have had during the year, in the end you light it on fire and that shit feels good! Happy New Year, let's make 2011 count...