Tuesday, December 24, 2013
I'm Nervous, Truth be Told
As
the year finishes up I can’t help but reflect on where I was a year ago. In a
semi-legit relationship, whatever the hell that means ha-ha. Figuring out what
to do with my life whilst attending a shit community college that I felt I
would never escape from. Barely there writing for my so called book and just
questioning my life decisions and where to go from there. Interesting how
things change in a matter of 12 months. This year I busted my ass in school and
now am proud to say that I am officially graduated from said community college
and therefore moving on with my education life. I have written many possible
entries for my book and have developed the best set up to delivering the
message of the book, if it even has a message. Over the course of the next year
I will be showing my readers, you guys and girls, bits and pieces of each thing
I’ve written for my book (i.e. bits from poems and short stories). Job wise I’ve
still had no luck even after a couple or so interviews, but I’m staying
positive. Girlfriend wise, nothing as well but then again I haven’t really been
looking, maybe once I’m in a new school/ new town I will find that special
lady. And even though it’s not thanksgiving, I am very thankful for many
things. Most of all, you all, my readers who still surprise me to this day
ha-ha. I still wonder how you all put up with all of my rambling and just weird
yet detailed thoughts. So I hope everyone is fortunate to have the happiest of
holidays and let this new year bring us to even more great moments.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Rest in Peace to Everyone Who was Dead Wrong
A friend of
mine once said, although it was pertaining to women, it still applies “if you
fuck them well enough, sooner or later they will call you for more.” There
comes a time when people realize they were wrong with their decision. I’ve
always had it understood that once fired from a job, you may no longer go back
to work for that same job/store/franchise what have you. I received a phone
call a couple of days ago from my ex-employer. Due to the fact that I left my
phone charging however I was not able to receive the call but my ex-boss just
so happened to leave a voicemail. The gist of the message was her asking me if
I wanted to come back and be a delivery driver again because “deliveries are
crazy and we’d love to have you back.” Now I listened to the message a couple
of times, mentally jotting down everything that I could hear. The embarrassing/
desperate tone of voice my ex-boss had whilst leaving the message. The specific
way she said that deliveries were crazy, which made me think that if deliveries
were really crazy why would you be in need of drivers? As a previous driver I
know firsthand that more deliveries means more money, more money usually means
the tips the customers give the drivers are really good, which should
ultimately result in drivers staying. I couldn't help but laugh for a great
amount of time after hearing the voice mail. There’s something satisfying about
people misjudging you and taking a specific action towards you and then they
realize they made a mistake. Guess my friend was right; I was the best employee
they had. Not to give myself a big head I mean but no one worked harder than I
did. Shame it took them a whole fucking year to realize that however. The only
question I really want answered is, who brought my name up? Someone had to have mentioned me…
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Inner Sanctum
I was
worried. I was worried that my mojo had disappeared which is why I haven’t
written anything in a while. So I was hoping that my trip to Nicaragua would
get me out of this funk. That is until about 3 days before my trip, I came up
with a poem, which I now consider to be in my top 3. With this poem however I’ve
come to realize that I’m a little insane. And I’ve also come to realize that
even though my heart is always in my writing, my brain has taken over and the
shit that crazy bastard can create is astonishing. I mean not only is it
bizarre but it makes you feel inspired in some weird fucked up way. I guess
what I’m saying is that not only do I want to release a book of stories but
also a book of poems, spoken word at that. I want everyone to virtually and
imaginatively swim in my mental pool of wisdom and who knows maybe the weird
fucked up imagery I’m known for will cause you to book a permanent stay in my
inner sanctum…
Friday, May 17, 2013
Gold Mines in these Lines
Numb, not
of pain or pleasure but from the bullshit that goes through everyday life. Numb
from a society that preys on the innocent and provides for the guilty. Sad for
the lost lives due to violence, both verbal and physical. Distraught by the
lack of help to those thinking in suicidal ways, which ultimately result in a
permanent solution. Anger towards those that ridicule over gender, race, and/or
ethnicity. Confusion over those who decide to do wrong towards their better
halves. Intrigued by those that decide to stay with the one doing the wrong.
Encouraged by the lack of faith provided by a misguiding teacher. Encouraged by
the love and support given to me by a group of strange individuals with similar
characteristics, my family. Impatient towards my future, mainly because I want
to know if I make it or not. Optimistic when it comes to Love but my heart has
been bruised quite a lot. Interested in the peace and tranquility that certain
music provides for us. Amazed by the true beauty that this world has to offer.
Bewildered by the lack of faith that we as human beings share. Fear for those children
born in a wrong home which ends with a rough childhood full of scratches and
purple skin. Agony for those owners of man’s best friend who treat said best
friend like dirt.
If I had it
my way, the world would be peaceful yet I’ve come to realize that peace could
never be an option, at least not for the entire world. It will forever be
filled with nonsense violence and stupid hatred. Innocent people will remain to
be in danger all because a coward or group of cowards decide, why say something
when I can physically show you, by bringing bloodshed. Bullies will always
remain for some damn reason. While in high school, bullying was never a problem
for me, my school didn’t even know of the word. Even though it was only 4 years
ago, the youth of today has drastically changed. Now kids are no longer friends
with everybody, each person sticks to their respective group. Feeding off of
the innocent of others who haven’t done a fucking thing to them. Women are
still being treated like shit by some fucking guy when if memory serves me
correctly, he came from a woman. I guess that’s why I’m so numb because of all
of this ignorance and useless negativity being thrown around. I’m numb because
Life shouldn’t be so hard, sure struggles are a part of life but you’re also
supposed to be able to enjoy it and cherish it. With so much anger and
misunderstanding, that seems like an impossible task for the majority of
humanity. It’s just nonsense, think about it…
Monday, April 29, 2013
Another Mistake Living Deep in my Heart
Maybe if I
would’ve applied myself more in high school I wouldn’t have ended up in a
shitty community college. Maybe if I would’ve applied myself more in this
shitty community college I would probably be at a better school joining the
majority of my friends as they head on with their lives. Rejection is a shitty
word for anyone. The multiple forms of rejection is what makes everyone hate
it. Plus once you get rejected from something or someone it makes you question
and doubt yourself. Maybe I’m not getting what I want in life because of my
attitude. They say good things take time, as an impatient person I wouldn’t
know. So I guess maybe I’m bound to the life of being a reject on specific
things. If that is the case however, how do you reject a reject?
2 Planets Away / 2 Different Axles
This weekend made me realize that the future is happening as
we speak. The days are going past us by the blink of an eye. Celebrating the
fact that some friends of mine graduate within a matter of weeks while I’m
still stuck here with nothing to show for it can really make a guy think. Now
sure we reminisced about high school and how many people are doing one thing
instead of what they should be doing. It got me thinking. I’m still stuck in
the same old town. I still have no educational plans aside from attending a
shitty community college that I’ve hated since day one. Even if I were
attending a decent university, I have no fucking money to support myself
because all of the jobs I’ve applied to still salute me with a middle finger.
So what in the hell am I doing with my life? That’s the $50 question…
American Terrorist
Fear struck the lives of so many people a couple of weeks
ago. Bombs, explosions, gunfire, etc. Multiple acts of man on man violence well
minus the fertilizer plant catching fire but still resulted in something
deadly. The search for the Boston Marathon bombers was long and agonizing. And
all the while I kept thinking to myself, even if they catch these guys will
that change anything? Lives are still changed; hearts are still broken, so even
if they were caught, the damage was already done. It wasn’t until a couple of
hours later when one of the bombers was dead that I kept reading that they
wanted the other one alive. Why? So he can be questioned? That’s reasonable.
Because everyone deserves to know why? Absolutely. But again in the end
everything still happened and no amount of knowledge will heal those wounds any
quicker. The kid’s either going to get multiple life sentences or the chair.
Does he deserve it? Justice must be served but it’s not going to change
anything. Once he was caught, everyone around the country banded together to
celebrate. But I have to ask, when it comes to things of this nature, when it
comes to sadistic shit like this that puts everyone’s life in danger, is there
really a winner and a loser? Think about it…
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Moment of Clarity
I drink 6 shots of literary liquor, I’m the bad ass resurrection
of a normal kid who died a sinner.
I thank the Lord that I wake up every morning yet I know
that I can die at any moment.
Perfection is the force I strive for, but being perfect
is an illusion so as I grab the deck of life and cut up the cards, watch as I
search through them.
Look up at the stars as you hear my voice speak, the
words assist the images in your mind while you sleep.
I went from a caterpillar to a wasp and transformed into
a demon, it hurts as I impregnate your soul like a baby whose teething.
I vomit and spew out some blood, the piece of paper that
it’s fallen on, shows an image of love.
This whole writing thing isn’t just a hobby but more for
peace, I do it for my future and for a simple moment of clarity…
Would You Say My Intelligence now is Great Relief?
Short but sweet
Look at the
sky. We only know very little about the planets and stars and yet all of that
shit is beautiful. A night time sky is filled with distant white moths that
have apparently already faced their demise. A big face looks down on us as we
breathe in the air and just thank whoever we worship that we can enjoy it. I
guess that’s why I’m thankful that I wake up every day. It’s the little things
we have to appreciate about life. Now you may be having a shitty day or week, but
the fact that you were able to wake up this morning should immediately be a
win. Shit could always be better and yet it could always be worse. Think about
it…
Right Here
You know
the whole friends forever thing has always been quite intriguing to me. No one
really remains friends forever with someone cause well forever is a long time.
Guess the same rule applies with the whole relationship/ex-relationship scenario. How one person always says that they’ll be there for the other no
matter what happens. I've always been that person. The one to never leave and
to always stay true to his word. If the bond has been broken then yes I will
become skeptical but damnit I cared about you one time or another, so I’ll
still be around. Now sure if I've put in effort multiple times but you haven’t
then silence is the only other option. Maybe that’s why I've never really had
luck in this department. Instead of being spontaneous, I've always been spot on
with what I’m going to do and when I’m going to do it. Even when I’m the one
who mentions the spontaneous-ness. I will always have a backup plan that will
actually benefit the person that I’m with. Sneaky yes, but I am always looking
out for them. Regardless I feel that no matter who I end up with both friend
wise and love of my life wise, I will always remain right here to help them.
And I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing…
Sunday, March 10, 2013
I Carry Traits of a Traumatized Soldier
Men turn
women into bitches. Assholes aren't born they are made. It’s a vicious circle
when it comes to relationships. You can only push a person so far until they
eventually start pushing back. So that timid soft spoken guy that you knew had
a thing for you. You decided to mess around with him and get his mind full of
ideas, only to completely obliterate his dreams ultimately causing him to wallow in self-pity and then seek his revenge. There’s just something about this whole Love business that will
eventually make you want to fuck with people’s emotions. So that same guy that
you knew is no longer alive. Some ruthless motherfucker has taken his place,
which is why whenever you randomly decide to contact him he acts like a total
dickhead. Now this dickhead will attract a certain female who will fall in love
with him in no time. But just how you fucked him over, he will eventually fuck
her over. And now you don’t know what to do. I mean you loved him right? But he
threw all of that away so there’s only one thing to do, let’s fuck up some new guys’
life. BAM, just like that the Bitch/Asshole circle grows that much wider. And I’m
pretty sure this motherfucker is growing on a daily basis. So just be careful
with how you treat members of the opposite sex cause sooner or later you’ll be
sucked into the circle…
I'm Surprised I Ain't Going Bald
It’s been six months since I've had a job. Within those six months I've applied to about thirty-five jobs. I've written three tragic short stories with a fourth coming up, all based
on certain real life events, I got together with a great girl only to separate
a month later, and I've grown out an “ I don’t give a fuck anymore” beard. So I
guess you could say I've been pretty productive. Out of those thirty-five jobs, I know for a
fact that twenty were hiring, out of those twenty I've called exactly fifteen for follow-up
calls and out of those fifteen, I haven’t received a motherfucking thing. Out of my
three short stories, two tie into one another and the topic has to deal with a
broken heart and the latest story is a fictitious take on the day my dad died.
So even though I've been busy these past six months, I have also been under a
fuck load of stress. Basically to the point that I can easily talk to someone,
they say some random ass remark and then I’ll argue with them for a great
couple of minutes. Someone once said that stress is “the confusion created when
one’s mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living day lights out
of some motherfucker, who desperately deserves it.” And society often wonders why
people tend to go crazy. There’s some food for thought for your ass...
That Shit Don't Add Up
As the story goes and mankind has wondered the answers to
millions of questions. This question shall be no different. Why do girls tend
to stay with guys when they have done them wrong? Well the fucked up answer to
this is the majority of the time, it has to do with sex. No matter how fucked
up the deed that was done, if the sex was spectacular then the relationship
continues. I’ve had two different girls tell me the same thing. Both boyfriends
cheated, lied, and were just all around dickheads yet they could handle the
vagina properly and all shit was forgiven. Now it may just be me but a little
bit of fucking shouldn’t overlap the fact that this motherfucker either cheated
or physically hurt her. Then again, it could possibly be because the guy has an
attitude problem and if the girl were to act up or defend herself then he would
just treat her even worse.
Even then
that’s when you fucking tell somebody about the shit that he’s doing. Pretty
sure it’s little shit like this that makes my theory about people that much
more reasonable. Everyone is stupid until they prove me wrong. And even though
a select few have proven me wrong, there have been many more that have proven
my theory right…
Monday, February 18, 2013
The Stud vs. The Slut
There have been multiple discussions and arguments over the
double standards of men and women. The main one being, if a guy has sex with
multiple girls he’s a stud, a player. But if a girl has sex with multiple guys,
she’s a slut. Now why is this so? Wouldn’t a guy technically be a slut or
man-whore if he slept with multiple women? Now although I heard this from a
comedian, once you really think about it, it makes a whole lot of sense. The
reason men aren’t considered whores when it comes down to multiple partners is
because men, normal men anyways have to actually put work into it. And when I
say normal men, I mean your regular everyday guys, so no movie stars or
musicians. For instance, let’s say a 6 guy talks to a 9 girl, he has to put in
actual effort to try and just get her phone number. A girl on the other hand is
the key holder to the entire project. She can just go sit at a bar and wait for
any guy to present himself, he can sweet talk her all he wants but in the end
she’s the one who decides. The girl is the one with all the power. She’s the
one that determines if you get the phone number, if you get a 2nd
date, if you get to skip 3rd base and go all the way home.
So ladies
please realize that guys don’t give a damn about what you look like, most guys’
goal is one simple thing. Sure there are those rare occasions where a guy
really is interested in everything about you. Majority of the time, he’s
basically looking for that crazy story he can tell his boys the next day. So if
you’re a 2, they will make you out to look like a 15. I guess that’s why the
whole stud/slut debate happened. Guys have to work at it the entire time while
girls just have to say yes no matter what the situation is at hand. The stud is
the dude putting in the time and effort and is getting a yes, left and right while the slut can get any guy by just simply saying yes. I’m not trying to
sound sexist or anything in that sense; it’s mainly just some food for thought.
Youtuber Skyy John once said, “A lock that can be opened by any key is a shitty
lock but a key that can open any lock is a fucking master key…”
Friday, February 8, 2013
Rest of Life to Go
As I woke up today and got ready to go to church, I noticed
just how fast time passes us by. 4 years have gone since my dad passed away and
even though last year I decided to no longer mourn his death but celebrate his
life, I will always still have the slight saddening feeling. But I know that
he’s up there watching over my brother and my mom and the rest of the family.
Laughing at all of the crazy crap we do. And I know you’re watching me as I
type this up so I just want to say that I love you, not a day goes by that
you’re not in my prayers and I hope that I’m somehow making you proud. R.i.p.
Viejito I’ll Always Love You 6/16/67- 2/7/09…
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Madness in my Head
Now sure by
this point you could put a giant hole in my story by telling me that thousands
of people die a day and he can’t possibly see all of them. So to that I say if
he really did create everything than I’m pretty sure he can clone himself or at
least hologram each interaction with the new residents. After he talks to you,
he takes you to a theater room where you are able to watch certain parts of
your life. Almost like a compilation of the best and worst moments there’s also
a blooper reel where you would be able to watch all of the funniest shit that
happened in your life. After you’re welcomed in, you just live out your
afterlife as if it’s just a giant dream and you don’t know if you’ll ever wake
up. I also hope you get to have an occasional vacation back to earth so that
way you get to check up on things. So yes, that is my outlook on Heaven and the
afterlife. Just some food for thought I guess…
Dead or Alive
This is my first attempt at doing a reverso poem.
I am Dead
I have died
Yet who am I to say what dying really is. Who am I as a
single being of flesh, blood, bones, veins and skin to say what any one thing
is.
I’m only 21 and yet I've experienced some shit in my life.
My father died, buckets of tears that I cried, my pen and my soul show my pride
while I write about the deceiving bitches that lied.
I have a new beauty who can easily fix one frown, she
knows my dark past when my world was upside down, I can handle the bullshit and
my words provide sound, I am no king but I’ll take the crown.
What is life for a misguided soul, a lonely peasant? It’s
the same thing I’ve learned, welcome to your only lesson. People will always
talk shit no matter what you do in life, that’s just how the world turns.
They think a few smirks and remarks will upset the person
who is above them and will shrink them so much that they decrease down to their
level. Let them talk, in the end you’re the one with all the success.
So you may call me unworthy, but don’t worry, it’s just a
bunch of words that can’t hurt me.
Striving for success is the main focus of
this mission, just call me the link that others thought went missing.
I will go all out for my family, my friends, and my fans.
My story will be epic even if my kids are the only ones I tell it to in the
end.
I see the light and the train of life is making a one way
trip. I’ll see everybody on the other side, so we can all celebrate together
once I finish it.
I am living
I am Alive…
I am Alive
I am living
I see the light and the train of life is making a one way
trip. I’ll see everybody on the other side, so we can all celebrate together
once I finish it.
I will go all out for my family, my friends, and my fans.
My story will be epic even if my kids are the only ones I tell it to in the
end.
Striving for success is the main focus of this mission,
just call me the link that others thought went missing.
So you may call me unworthy, but don’t worry, it’s just a
bunch of words that can’t hurt me.
They think a few smirks and remarks will upset the person
who is above them and will shrink them so much that they decrease down to their
level. Let them talk, in the end you’re the one with all the success.
What is life for a misguided soul, a lonely peasant? It’s
the same thing I’ve learned, welcome to your only lesson. People will always
talk shit no matter what you do in life, that’s just how the world turns.
I have a new beauty who can easily fix one frown, she
knows my dark past when my world was upside down, I can handle the bullshit and
my words provide sound, I am no king but I’ll take the crown.
I’m only 21 and yet I've experienced some shit in my life.
My father died, buckets of tears that I cried, my pen and my soul show my pride
while I write about the deceiving bitches that lied.
Yet who am I to say what dying really is. Who am I as a
single being of flesh, blood, bones, veins and skin to say what any one thing
is.
I have died
I am Dead…
Monday, January 21, 2013
Greatness meets Greatness
I had a dream where I was joined by arts finest.
Musicians, painters and poets. They were giving me all of their wisdom and
knowledge, the things I can grow old with.
My words, they said, are a combination of wonder and
greatness. Van Gogh and Mark Twain laughed with joy while Jay-Z made a statement.
Edgar Allan Poe was intrigued by the mystery, while Ray
Charles and Stevie Wonder wondered about the images they were envisioning.
Mozart and Beethoven raised a glass with Shakespeare and
Frieda Carlo. Richard Pryor, Abe Lincoln, and Malcolm X were singing karaoke
with Bono.
Kanye West and Jimi Hendrix pulled me to the side to
spill what they considered a thrill. They said my words spoke out to the kids
like a cross between Da Vinci and Lauren Hill. They intoxicate the mind like F.
Scot Fitzgerald and Stephen King, while the rhythm is notorious like Biggie’s
will.
I was praised by Johnny Cash and Michael Jackson. My work
is still in progress nothing fantastic has happened.
They said they celebrated my greatness, even though I am
just starting they could sense that I will make it.
I stood up on stage, with one final glance at the crowd.
I said all of my gratitude, spilling my heart out loud. With a glass held high,
I promised never to let my fellow greats down. I sipped on my drink, closed my
eyes, and gave one final bow…
We Can Both Be Insane: A True Love Story Pt. 3
I know this is long overdue and it was supposed to be the
ending of the True Love Story Trilogy. I decided to switch it up a bit, well
more like give you my interpretation of what I think Love is. The feeling that
makes your soul rise and your fears sink. Is the exact same feeling that makes
your dreams seem like a reality just because they are by your side. It’s
powerful and confusing yet the most heartwarming sensation. I used to be a real
fool when it came down to love. Always falling carelessly without even thinking
about what the hell I was really doing. Or better yet who the hell I was really
falling for. It wasn’t until I really analyzed everything that I found out that
love is no joke. It’s a force we can’t reckon with, something that if you’re
not careful can really bite you on the ass. If you embrace it and let it into
your life it will greet you with the softest of touches and will basically just
make you a better person. Now sure it mainly depends on who you fall in love
with because certain people will just use you to get what they want and then
fuck you over. But when you find that one special person that you’re willing to
protect by all means. The one person who never brings a dull moment to the
table and no matter how many times you see each other, each time is special.
That’s when you know.
Guess the
same rule applies with your friends. Hell, they wouldn’t be your friends if you
couldn’t act a certain way with them. So I guess my main point is that
Happiness comes pretty often in life. Surround yourself with happy people,
whether it’s family, friends, or the one who has your heart in a chokehold. But
as long as they are by your side, there is nowhere to go but up. Someone once
said, “To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another.”
Thursday, January 10, 2013
If I'm Going to be King
She is very unique. We met each other in math class one
semester a while back. I never really put too much effort into “hollering” at
her cause well I knew she had a boyfriend. “But wait Richard, that’s never
stopped you before…” Thank you reader, I know it hasn’t this case was different
though. This was back when my give a fuck was still intact. So about a month
ago, a distant relative passed away and this girl came back into my life. All
over a simple comment on a social networking site. So we began talking, I found
out she was recently single and it wasn’t until we hung out that I also found
out that me and this girl are basically the same damn person. For instance, she
loves Batman, that’s already an A+ in my book. She enjoys all types of music, I
for one am more of a rap enthusiast but also enjoy other works. We have certain
knowledge about life and some of the rough roads that it contains. We can make each
other laugh and not just laugh but crack the hell up when need be. Our
motivations and goals match. We both have that same passion and ambition for
what we want to do with our lives. Hers is becoming a lawyer and mine; well you
all know what mine is. With her, it feels different more intriguing much more
heartfelt. I can feel a sense of accomplishment because of her. Who knows I may
have finally found that special person to sit on the throne beside me…
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
The Quill
It’s a new
year, new plans old courage. The same shit from last year doesn’t affect me,
don’t worry. I feel my skills getting stronger, just by thinking I’m able to
make crazy shit that spooks me. I’ve realized that if I want to make it the way
I want to, I have to have a whole different mentality. I’m going in strong this
year, the same old me just more passionate about things. My ambition is at an
all time high, I can feel just fucking greatness engulfing my soul. And I know
actions speak louder than words but damnit just you wait. My passion for my
words will take me to where I want to go. The great Dave Chappelle once said, “I’m
gonna be something. I’m either gonna be a legend or that tragic fucking story,
but I’m going full throttle. I’m going all the way.” I couldn’t have said it
better myself…
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