Losing It

           I’m starting to realize that I’m losing it. No explanation, no reason, no trying to deny it. I feel conflicted, emotional, and worried. I keep zoning in and out from anything I do especially when I’m writing. And it’s not what I’m writing about because I have one hell of an inspiration. It’s the fact that I’ll start with a sentence, zone out, and come to with a paragraph full in detail and very vivid. Food no longer has taste; anything I watch has me constantly thinking. It’s probably the reason why I’ve been writing like a maniac for the past couple of days. And even though everything is well written, I still can’t help but think that it’s all word vomit. Hell, maybe everything I’ve done over the years has just been word vomit.  Whatever the case may be, maybe this is how I write from now on, not fully knowing what I’m writing about until I have to read it to verify. You stare into my eyes and they appear glazed over. My expressions are blank with no true emotion behind them. All these things, all of my writing has tied together in more ways than one could describe. The drive and desire that once ran through me has slowly started to evaporate. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m looking for a job or again the fact that I haven’t seen her in what feels like an eternity. For once in my adult life, I can honestly say that I’m truly freaked out and not cause of the zoning out part but of what my subconscious is really trying to tell me…