Someone once said, "Relationships are like crystals, you don't realize how much you love it until it breaks." So I was actually dreading going into work this week, due to the fact that I would see her there. Monday came along and I was just completely out of it. My heart physically hurt, my gut kept telling me "you fucked up man," and my brain was just out of the building. It came down to the point where I was messing around with a box-cutter and wanted to test its sharpness by slicing my left arm. Just a couple of cuts here and there, a little blood never hurt anybody. The thing that calmed me down however was the fact that we were texting each other again. I told her everything that was happening at work and I could somehow feel that she was worried about me, which made me feel confused seeing as how I destroyed her heart a few days before. Anyways, Tuesday comes and she shows up and wouldn't you know it but she showed up in glasses. Now I knew the make-up she was going to put on considering she let me pick out her colors, something she would let me do before all of this stupid shit happened. When I saw her, a smile immediately hit my face, cause well if you've been keeping track I FUCKING LOVE A GIRL IN GLASSES. So Tuesday, we act like if nothing too bad happened but deep down it's killing me. I know her feelings for me, remain the same but now she doesn't trust me. She trusts the feelings I have for her and she doesn't blame me for what I did, she's just scared that if we do end up together that I'll do the same thing and just obliterate her heart.
They say we learn from our mistakes and it's true. I don't blame her for not trusting me, I crushed her and I deserve a lot worse. The thing that pissed me off the most however was the fact that her best friend told me that she was going to end up leaving him due to the fact that she couldn't handle all of his nonsense. So I instantly just fell apart because if she would've told me what was going down, I wouldn't have done what I did and hell I wouldn't be writing this at all, or maybe I would but it would be completely different. Certain things happen for a reason, maybe this is one of those certain things. Maybe this had to happen in order for us to become stronger as individuals, now if I could take it back I wouldn't even think twice about it. I'm still fighting though, I told her straight up "I will fight the army of hell, if you need me to..." Now, I don't know what the future holds for her or myself. I want her to be happy, plain and simple. If she decides to choose me, I know it'll take a while before she fully trusts me and that's alright. My job is to forever make her smile and when I have a job I get it done, it may take me a couple of tries but she brings out the best in me. Because what I feel for this girl isn't just a simple crush or a like, it's Love...
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