Love Causes the Same Chemical Reaction in the Brain as Insanity

Someone once said, "To regret something is to hang yourself with your own noose. Mental suicide." These past couple of days, due to my birthday, have been filled with a lot of thinking about my past. Regret is something that no one can ignore. We always tend to regret even the smallest of things. For instance, maybe you wanted to take a class one year but couldn't or maybe you regret saying "this" instead of saying "that." So, during my senior year of high school, I started talking to this girl in my French class. She was a big cutie, so of course I was attracted to her but if I would've known just how head over heels I would fall for her, then I would've been able to prepare for what was in store. So when we first started talking, she kept telling me about this boy problem that she was dealing with. So being the nice guy that I am, I helped her out and gave her a couple of tips.
     So after a couple of days of talking, I started falling for her. And if there is one thing you must know about me, it's that if I fall for someone then I fall HARD! So as the days passed, my crush on her just got bigger and bigger until I couldn't help myself and I told her what the deal was. To my surprise, I learned that she too had a crush on me. So come time that Monday, when French class came around, guess who couldn't help but keep smiling the whole damn time. We even went as far as sitting next to each other while doing a group activity and kept just playfully messing with each other. Now as Sebastian the crab once said, "She don't got a lot to say but there's something about her..." Considering, we've both been hurt in the past by past crushes, we didn't want to jinx anything. So that Christmas, we decided that we would buy each other something and then we would hang out one day at my house and exchange gifts while watching her favorite movie, The Little Mermaid. That day never came however, so the time that we had that could have made the deal for us to become a couple never happened. So as part: 1 of my story comes to a conclusion, be aware that when part: 2 comes into play, we'll get to see how after the death of my dad, I messed up what could have ultimately saved my life...

Soundtrack 2 My Life

The great Albert Einstein once wrote, " The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once." In a couple of hours, it is going to be my birthday. That one special day of the year where I get to Thank God for letting me live another full year. The big difference about this birthday however is that I'm turning 20. You know time never seems to fade us. We can still remember things we did when we were 5 and they feel as though we just did them. But now that I realize it, I'm able to categorize my life into time. For instance, I know that one year from now I will officially be 21 which makes me legal to drink/buy alcohol anywhere I please. In a matter of 5-7 years, I plan to at least have my family started. In 8-10 years, I will hopefully be working as a full blown writer and share stories with everyone around the world. I'll also be able to attend my 10 year high-school reunion and see all the old faces that I no longer communicate with. After that however, I can't fill in the gaps. For instance, who in my family will still be alive in 20 years when I'm 40? Will I even live to be 40? And yet, is my mind so advanced that I have to keep thinking about my future instead of the present? The sad thing being that I can only help but think of the trials and tribulations that will probably re-enter my life. Guess I should start thinking about my birthday wish now...

Food for Thought Pt. 1: Sorry Jr, I Already Ruined Ya

Everyone in the world loves music, it's the one thing that everyone can actually agree on. No matter what your genre, music is a part of who you are and who you were meant to be. A great composer by the name of Frederick Delius once said, "Music is an outburst of the soul." Now I myself have mentioned music a couple of times in past entries and today shall be no different. A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to this song titled, New Day. The song has to do with the two artists talking to their future kids about the hardships that they had to go through and hopefully their kids don't have to go through the exact same things. Now after listening to it the first time, I couldn't help but think about my future kids. Music tends to do that to us, it makes us believe that the song was meant for us and us only. So while thinking about my offspring, I couldn't help but fill my mind with wonderment. For instance, If I am to become a renowned writer, what will my kids think about my past trials and tribulations? Will they themselves have to deal with the same demons that I dealt with? Will they be the same age for my death, as I was for my father's death? If I die way before my time, will that grief and sorrow push them to write about their own misfortunes? And while I ask myself these questions about my children's future, I can't help but think. Are all my inner demons so intense that they have already ruined the lives of my future children? Have I already ruined who they were supposed to be without them being alive? I fear that things have just begun, for me and my future family...

You Never Gave Me Any Sign

First off,
     Relationships are complete bullshit. We all think we want something when in reality, we don't know jackshit. Girls say they want a sweet and wholesome guy and yet they go out with the dickhead who wouldn't even give it a second thought to treat her to a little "Chris Brown" snack. Guys say they want a good girl, a girl who can be trusted and won't sleep around, yet they automatically go for the dirtiest, nastiest chick out in the wild. So Rule #1- If you think you found your ideal partner, the person that would be willing to do anything for you within the drop of a hat, your more confused than you give yourself credit for. Like Eddie Murphy once said, "Everyone has a skeleton in their closet, hell some people might even have cemeteries in there."
Secondly,
   Guidance is key. Usually once someone is fed up with letting their hormones take control of their lives, they say the one thing that everyone eventually says, "I'll just let them come to me." Now in reality this could work both ways, or at least in my experience that's how it's worked. When you take a halt in the race of love, you tend to find yourself more aware of your surroundings. You seem to become more attractive to the opposite sex because you are no longer acting like a lost puppy. But at the same time, If you thought you were lonely while you were chasing someone down, then when your attempting to let them come to you, you will feel incredibly alone. Rule #2- Follow your body, if your soul/gut/heart tell you to stop searching and take a rest, then by all means chill-out. But if on the other hand it tells you to search twice as hard, then your ass better get a map, a compass, and start asking for directions just in case.
Lastly,
   Feelings will always play a key role in the decision making. When you like someone, you automatically must know if they like you because if their feelings aren't the same as your feelings then the only one you'll be feeling is yourself. In other words, don't throw your heart into the spike pit unless you know someone is willing to catch it. It happens all the time where two people like each other but one of them doesn't make a move so the entire opportunity is lost. So Rule #3- Timing is everything. Don't hesitate, if you know for a fact that your crush deeply likes you, then you should immediately go up to them and just sweep them off their feet. A two person love is better than making a batch of knuckle children by yourself...

How Did I Become The Leader of a Billion Men

If you had the opportunity to wish for one single thing, what would it be? You have an unlimited amount of time to decide, the only catch being it has to be something with an emotional background. It has to have the ability to make you feel how you have never felt before. If you were to ask everyone in the world, half would say something ridiculous and the other half would ponder and come up with a very heartfelt answer. Perhaps this is all due to my birthday being in a month, but perhaps not. It makes you wonder though, just like making a letter to Santa, getting three wishes from a Genie, or blowing out your candles on your birthday. Maybe we as a society came up with these ideas of wishing to help out those who were desperate and needy for just a sliver of satisfaction. For all we know however these wishing grants actually do work. Although, if that's the case then maybe what I'm wishing for isn't exactly the best thing to be wishing for. Should I continue wishing for this specific thing, even though I've only been asking for it for two years I feel that if I bother someone long enough, something will happen. The thing is, if my wish were granted, I would be able to go back to the original person I used to be. But at the same time, if I were to lose that part of me all over again, the monster that grew in me over the loss the first time would completely take over, shutting the world around me and leaving me in complete darkness...

Can We Please Have a Moment of Silence

Charlie Chan wrote, "Death is the only appointment we must keep, and for which no time is set." For the past couple of days, I have actually been thinking about death. Whether it's my own or my dad's, it's been twirling in my head like a gnat at a picnic. Death is the one thing I absolutely fear. I may hate doing a chore or hate crickets but nothing scares me more than dying. It just doesn't make sense that one minute, I'll be here and the next I won't. Death to me, has to feel like when your in a deep sleep and in a heavy dream but it's really peaceful and your dreaming about all of your dead relatives and you can't seem to figure out if it's really happening or if it's all a dream. My biggest fear other than dying however, is dying at a young age. Not living my life to its fullest potential. Not having the satisfaction of seeing my grandchildren or hell even the son/daughter I hope to have. It's odd though, in our most desperate times, we can't help but wonder. If I were to die today, would anybody miss me? So you can't help but imagine yourself, looking down towards the ground pretending that people are actually caring that you died. So as I conclude, I can't help but ask if you had the choice of either knowing how you were going to die or knowing the exact date you were going to die which would you choose? No matter how disturbing the result, you can't help but feel that you'll finally be able to live your life even if your trip to the pearly gates is in a matter of hours...

DVR My Thoughts, Make Your TiVo Grow

Winston Churchill wrote, " They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds." Why do we as human beings tend to strive for perfection? Why do we always aim to be the best of the best at whatever it is we're doing? We look for perfection everywhere, in our jobs, in our homes, in our relationships. Perfection is unrealistic, it doesn't exist. The reason being is because nothing can ever truly be perfect no matter how hard you want it to be. You can always say that something is flawless and free of fault but in reality, the shit is as twisted and double sided as a DNA double helix. So does that mean that we should lower our expectations from a perfect 100% to a mere 99%? In all reality, yes. The fact is nothing will ever be perfect. You may be the ideal husband/wife and you could have the greatest spouse and the greatest kids. You could live in the greatest house in the greatest town but out of all that greatness there will be one flaw that will somehow be the main point in the life that you've made for yourself. So you should ask yourself, would I rather live in a world with flaws, with faults, that's not completely perfect? Or would I rather live in a perfect, happy go lucky world all by myself? While you decide that, I'll be over here on the imperfect world, making my future the way I want to. It may be imperfect, but at least I'll know that I was the one who made it...