The Doctor can't Diagnose what I Have.

Have you ever liked someone just to have them like you back and you find out that they were playing you the whole damn time? In the 19 years I've been living, I have had 2 separate encounters of this category. One of them was a couple of years back. This female and I began to talk just as friends at first. We went on a couple of "dates" I guess you could call them. A couple of months passed by and I fell deeper and deeper for her. All of my friends kept telling me, "Richard, don't do it man she doesn't really like you," etc etc. For some reason whenever I'm surrounded by affection and the embrace of someone, I tend to become blind and oblivious to what others tell me. So of course I didn't pay attention to my friends and by the end of my junior year of high school I came to realize that the entire time she was playing the hell out of me. The other girls story happened last year. We randomly began talking via Facebook and one thing led to another and we began texting. So I started catching feelings but I told myself I wouldn't let my guard down until she said something. So she finally tells me that she has feelings for me so I tell her the same thing and we began seeing each other before and after she had school. We talked and hung out for about a month and a half. Then one day, I text her and she doesn't reply which sort of confused me due to the fact that she always and I mean ALWAYS had her phone. But I brush it off, then at night I get a text from her saying hi. A couple of texts later the conversation dies. So the next day approaches and again she doesn't reply so I immediately assume something's up. So on the third day I decide not to do anything and BAM, we ended all forms of communication. No explanation, no excuse necessary. The really fucked up thing about this girl is that out of all of the awful and soul crushing shit that happened to me last year, she was the best thing. Really? Now you know it's been a bad year when the best thing to happen to you is a girl who teased the hell out of you for shits and giggles. 

      Now as I conclude Part 2 of if people are worth waiting for, I start to think about my old crushes. For some reason the majority of the girls I had a crush on, all either had a boyfriend or were just getting out of a really shitty relationship. So now I wonder, am I just going for the girls that are most vulnerable? Or do I believe that by me liking them, then maybe they can like me and see what it's like to have a real genuine guy in their life. Whatever the hell the answer is, I still can't help but wonder. Is this really worth it?...

Part 3 Coming Soon

Welcome to my Asylum

          A question for my readers, Whenever you tell someone that you like them/love them, do you think about them the 24 hours in a day? It's a weird feeling isn't it, you tend to think about that person non-stop. Wondering what they're doing, whether or not they're thinking about you and the majority of the time they're not. I guess unless that person tells you that they like you first, in reality they have no feelings towards you. It's a weird and unpredictable way of thinking about it but if you ponder the thought, it's true. Guys, you tell a girl you like them. What do they do? "Aw that's so sweet, listen I love spending time with you but I don't want to jeopardize anything." Girls, you tell a guy you like them. And they lead you on, while behind your back they're most likely banging your best friend, her best friend and her mom. So why do we as a society tend to put our hearts out there? Is it actually to show affection or is it that we as individuals tend to do desperate shit when we feel vulnerable and lonely? But sometimes, you actually do find someone. That person that you can't even look at them without feeling butterflies. And yet, maybe its fate or witchcraft but something always gets in the way of you two being together. So you always say, "Don't worry, I'll wait for you." But as days pass by your wondering if you should really wait for them, so you start asking your friends and/or your sibling for advice. And they tell you the deal, "If the person is legit, then they are worth the wait." So I ask you this, have you ever waited for someone? Was the wait really worth it?...
      Part 2 Coming Soon...

Feelings Got In The Way: The Friends with Benefits Story

Aristotle once said, "A friend is a soul that resides inside two bodies." Friends can come to you in many forms. Whether it be a parent, a sibling, or hell even a pet. Friends were specifically designed to be there when you need them. They're the ones that help you through tough times, they help you through trouble, and even get you into trouble. There are certain problems though when it comes down to having a friend of the opposite sex. Mainly due to the fact that, sooner or later feelings will start to grow stronger. Meaning that either them or you will want to take your friendly relationship to the next level. Certain times however, there comes a point where the whole "friends with benefits," situation comes together. Having a beneficial friend is like having a special toy. You've had this toy for many years, you love this toy, and you enjoy its company. But sooner or later, the toy is going to be given to another person for them to play with and this just leaves you confused and lonely. Here is where the feelings come into play. I don't think the whole friends with benefits thing works, mainly due to the fact that you mess around with that person long enough as soon as they go out with someone else, your going to feel like your heart just got ripped out. So my question is, if you fall for your beneficial friend, can you stay friends with them even though deep down you will always want something more?...Think about it.

The Game of Chance is below Risk and above Sorry

Does chance really work? Flipping a coin, rolling the dice, shuffling a deck and magically picking out a card. Does taking a chance actually benefit the person taking it? And the answer is: who knows. In my 19 years of living, I have taken multiple chances and opportunities. Some working towards my benefit, some working at a disadvantage. But in the end, I always seem to ask myself, "Was it really worth it?" Going into a relationship is one of the biggest games of chance a human being could possibly play. Picking one card out of a deck of thousands and that one card is by chance determined to be a soul mate. But like every game, there is always a combination of guilt, blame, and agony. Which in turn causes the game to be controlled by Chance's evil little sister, Heartbreak. A broken heart will hurt but it will heal. There is no point in dwelling on what happened. Now you just have t o dwell on what will happen. But now that sweet and innocent card that you picked has turned into a demon and it's slowly but surely bringing you down into its insane world. I guess thats what relationships do to you. Some guys do everything possible for their girls and the girls do the same. But the majority of the time only one half of the team is actually doing something useful and when the other half is actually questioned, not a single fuck is given. So in the end, Was it really worth it?...

She was Grace, in name and in essence.

 It comes to a surprise when you find certain people in your life that have actually changed you. Maybe it was from a phrase they used to say, an old habit they used to do, etc. For instance, my great uncle used to open every bottle and/or jar by first hitting the bottom. I would ask him, "why are you doing that?" He would reply with, "I'm just taking out the demons..." after that moment, every bottle or jar I grab I slap it on the bottom and it opens. Just from one little gesture, my life has changed even if it was just something small. Chatting with a friend of mine, I came to realize that she too was someone that has changed my life. She has gone through many things during her life which is one of the many things we have in common. But her elegance, her intelligence, her strengths, her weaknesses, her pain, her sorrow, her effort. It has all impacted me. She showed me that it doesn't matter if the package is small, that the most amazing things come from them. There's a poem I once heard and it said," Nothing from the first day I saw her and no one that has happened to me since has ever been as frightening and as confusing. For no person have I ever known has ever done more to make me feel more sure or more insecure or more important and less significant." Without her, who knows if I would still be the same person I am now, maybe because I met her my life now actually means something. Thank you...

Everybody Dies, But Not Everybody Lives

Two years have now gone by since my dad passed away. I wasn't expecting anything different today then the usual sadness. My agenda was as follows: went to church, bought some flowers, went home, put the flowers in water, then went to sleep for a couple of hours. As days turn into weeks and weeks into months, you start to realize that you take everything in life for granted. For instance, sometimes your parents irritate you, sometimes your hungry but your too picky to eat something. If you really think about it however, there are people far far worse off than you. Kids who grow up not knowing who their parents are, people who beg for just even a slice of bread. Certain holidays happen in this manner. Take Mother's day or Father's day, we just look at it as a day that we buy our parent a gift and tell them we love them. But when you get inside the fabric of the holiday's you start thinking. Those days were specifically built so that you would praise the people who made you, you. You praise your mom for every minute she spent trying to put you back to sleep when you had a nightmare. You praise your dad for always being able to make you laugh and work his ass off just so you could have toys and stuff to play with. Praise both your parents for the love they have given you, for some of it may be tough love but Damnit that does not mean they don't love you. What I'm saying is, don't take shit for granted. No matter how small it could be, the day it gets taken away from you, it'll break your soul. So cherish it, cherish every moment whether good or bad. It could always be worse...

Judge A Tree From Its Fruit, Not From Its Leaves

Everywhere in the media, Religion is always a key factor to certain people. I say if you were born to believe in something and it’s helped you out so far then keep believing in that, no matter what other people say. Religion however interferes with Human Sexuality. I remember one time; this father and son team came to my house. They were Jehovah’s witnesses. The man asked me,” What are your opinions about gays and lesbians, in the bible it says that in the afterlife, they will not be allowed to be with God for he believes they disobeyed him.” So I just told him, “Look we can’t help who we fall in love with, who are we to say that it’s wrong for a man to love another man or a woman to love a woman. It’s not our business and if God doesn’t want them in heaven then maybe they should consider another God.” The look on this man’s face after I was done telling him this was priceless. He was so disturbed and frustrated by my smart ass answer that he just said thank you and he left. He knew that I was right, we don’t have the right to judge others by who they love and if Homosexuals weren’t part of Gods plans then maybe they should look for a new God. Marriage is also a big puzzle. You can't marry him/her because of their ethnicity or they're the wrong religion. Fuck all of that, if the person you are with cares about you, loves you, and would do anything for you then by all means spend the rest of your life with that person. I’m not knocking anyone’s religion or saying one is wrong and one is right, but when it comes to happiness, I believe happiness wins above everything else...