I'm Gonna Push Thru

     Today I got a real world awakening. I was finally able to see the whole my actions are louder than my words thing put to the test. Today at work, one of my co-workers was being heartless in the sense that he was saying how he didn't care that one of my other co-workers was crying. She was crying due to it being a very rough week and also that her dad's anniversary was coming up on Saturday. I told him that he had to feel for her and how anyone in that situation would get emotional. So he immediately says that I love her because I'm defending her even when she's not there.  So as the day later passed, I walk in and the same co- worker is singing "Baby come Back" with the Baby line switched up, to basically mock one of our other coworkers. So I start laughing joining in on the fun and tell him he's a fool so he says "Okay Rich, I got something for you," and he starts singing Baby come Back but with the co-worker who was crying's name instead of Baby. Everyone starts laughing, hell even I start laughing. So I say "alright if that's how you want to play it," and punch him in the back and not even hard just a playful punch. So I continue smiling and walk away and he says "I bet it won't be funny if I punch you in the face." So I immediately look at him and go fuck it, let's go but I was completely messing around with him  I still had a smile on my face, I had planned to give him a handshake and a manly hug. He started walking to me all hard as if he was really going to hit me, my boss got in the middle and "broke it up." So he storms out and says, "you better watch your back Rich," my boss tells me to go to the back to cool off. After about a couple of minutes, I walk out with everyone asking me if I'm okay and my boss telling me to write down what happened and then to go home. So once home, I play the entire situation back in my mind and start getting pissed at not just myself but at the fact that once I start playing around shit has to get serious.
       For instance, the manager of the store messes around as well. Hell, one time I punched him hard as shit in the arm and we both laughed about it afterwards. So why is it that whenever I join the fucking party, everyone has to get all cool and tough and make everything all serious. So my boss calls me a couple of hours afterwards and tells me that she can no longer have me coming back to the shop. So I got fired, all over a little bit of bullshit. Now, am I upset, absolutely. Mainly at myself for letting the shit happen, but still I didn't mean it to go in that direction. But as my mother told me once I told her that I was let go, "you'll find something better, in life we are dealt with an uneasy load so we can learn to adjust to the surroundings and make the best of what we can." As I sit here I can't help but wonder a couple of things: 1) why was this decision made so sudden, 2) I wonder what my Angel has to say about any of this, and 3) I wonder what my dad would have to say about any of this...

Heavens or Temporary Forevers

          When the world turns crazy, you need to be able to find one solid thought and pray that it keeps you sane. What happens though when the thing that's supposed to keep you sane also drives you wild? This thought is amazing. It can immediately have you thinking positively and push you past the limit that you were daring to go. No words need to be said, hell the world can become silent and that would still be the highlight of your day. It should be able to pick you up when your down, change your entire outlook on life. Turn the rainy days into sunny ones, it should completely push you to do the absolute best that you can. Now, maybe your thought is not so complicated, maybe it's the same thought that gets me through my days. The intensity of the thought is how you choose to take on a certain task and whether or not the task is worth taking. This thought can be of a person. Going back to the crazy world, thinking of this person may help you with any tough decisions, it may help you decide what to do by the answer that they would give you were you to ask them the question on your mind. Like I said, whatever your thought is, it doesn't matter, as long as it helps you reach your full potential. For instance, my thought has helped me through very stressful moments both at work and home. Yet, it's one of the simplest thoughts in the world. One of the simplest things to picture in the world. A smile. How do our thoughts differ? Easy because mine isn't just any smile, it's her smile...

It's Something That's in Your Veins

The working man is going to have to work hard his entire life, sure he may take a couple of breaks here and there but that doesn't change the fact that work will still be there tomorrow. My great grandfather  met my great grandma as a young man who literally had nothing, not even a pair of shoes. But his power and will were so strong that from this he worked his ass off until his wife was in a gorgeous house, which he built, and they were financially hooked. My dad, with a high school education, provided for us like no other. He dug himself through so much shit for us to be able to have new clothes for school and to be able to take a family vacation. Now, I've experienced hard work and just how stressful it can be and it's a real bitch but the ultimate satisfaction of knowing that what you do makes other people happy is what should push you to continue working. The reason I work my ass off is not for right now, but rather for my future. I want my kids to see me and feel the same thing I felt when I saw my dad. I want that hard working title on my tombstone because even though it's not the hardest job, I still give my blood and sweat to make sure that at the end of the day, my future looks that much brighter...

Make Me Better

  Like a junkie looking for a needle, I have come to the terms that I need you, and not in a life or death but what to expect when all I think of...is...you. My mind paints vivid imagery while I fight a losing battle with my bed, for now my dreams are colorful and exciting when they used to be lonely and dead. Used to dream about the multiple mortality of my own sanity, when in actuality it was myself who was dying. I sat around drawing and designing pictures of death, despair, and all around hell. Now sure everyone's hell is different but hell is still hell. Went from being an artist with pictures to being an artists with words. With my writing, I'm able to tap into that part of the mind that develops  a scene from what is being read. I describe dreams so intensely that you, yourself will think you dreamt them. I obliterate your realistic point of view and switch it with something that cartoon characters would find hilarious and childish. Dreams of the apocalypse and of flowers turning into ash. My stories are those that depress, cause stress and just all around ruin your day. Why? No idea just cause that's how I felt whenever I was writing. Has that mood changed? Hell yes, now no longer despair but strength and power. I've become a poet, an intellectual dangerously delicious author whose work can make you lose yourself in thought. That Angel I've mentioned in the past, has changed who I was. If I was great by myself, I must be unstoppable with her by my side...

I Want To

I want to have sex and not sex but make love not with our bodies but with our words, take the time and peel back the layers while spilling out the feelings that deserve to be heard/
I want to observe you and watch you undress and not get naked but undress of the stress that fills up your day, sit back and ponder while mentally whispering "everything will be ok..."/
I want to get high and not with drugs but off of your love and everything you do, I'll sit back and relax, feeling that the worlds at peace, damn I'll have some more make it an ounce or two/
I want to cruise around in a cruise, around your entire body and not with my tongue or fingers but rather some paper and a pen, jot down every goose-bump and every emotion that leaks through your pores from within/
I want to grasp your soul and penetrate it ever so gently and not with my member but with my imagination and the pictures I've created, there's multiple things I want to do, first on the list is that I want you and believe it or not I have yet to explain it...

You've been through Hell and Back

Life ain’t always what it seems, the trials and tribulations never add up to the means, you feel that life is useless but let me tell you why you’re wrong

There’s potential for your future in everything that you do, you’re the strongest person alive even with all the shit you’ve been through, your heart is incredible and your emotions make you strong.

Now sure, shit gets thrown at you all at once, it usually doesn’t stop for a couple of months, your power and will are what keep you going even when you’re physically done.

We all fall down but rise once more, there will always be obstacles knocking at your door, when it comes to the point where your heart’s an open sore, look ahead at your future and you’ll see it was all worth it all along.

Life isn’t supposed to be this unfair, hiding behind the lies and the expressions that you wear, everyone is beautiful in their own special way

Realize that Diamonds are made under pressure, you have to dive all the way to the bottom to find the treasure, nothing is impossible you just have to break it down day by day.

Surround yourself with people who show nothing but love and affection, a support system that loves you for you not for the stuff you give them, people who will forever stick around and always make the bad go away.

A girl or guy who will always provide safety, a backbone to hold you up when life gets too crazy, a love that will shine even when the world becomes hazy, your own knight in shining armor that will help you win the race.

No matter how bad it gets, Life still goes on, flowers still smell as sweet and birds still sing a song, the moon will always shine, just like you because you’re a star.

When it will get better, no one really knows, like a sponge, life too is full of holes, we learn from our mistakes and people will always think less of you than what you really are.

Like I said we are all beautiful, from your eyes to your soul to that weird voice that you do, don’t let anyone break you down, for in life you can always go far.

Cherish every moment and laugh as hard as possible, Know you are never alone no matter how difficult the obstacle, Know that wherever you are, at least one person will be proud of you, Greatness is your final status and no one else can pass you because you’re the one who set the bar…

Pursuit of Happiness

Call me surreal, for I am a king, but not one of Royalty but of my own inner Majesty

Through my pen you see, through my art I speak, I describe the impact of death and disease

I envision the world with my eyes open and also keep the pictures running while you fall away to sleep.

For I am Sir Real, a King. But not one of Royalty but of my own inner Masterpiece

As time fades away, too little hours in one day, I try to keep the peace inside my mind

Love affects my Brain, Pride mixes with Pain, like I said there isn’t enough time

Sorrow and Agony fill this space; get me the hell out of this place, every star was meant to shine

My vision has been compromised, I don’t know where my kingdom lies, and Darkness covers up my eyes.

As I travel into the abyss, through mud, grime, shit, and piss, I hate where this going

I see a figure up ahead, looks old and gray and half past dead, terror in its voice it says “you’re scared and your body shows it”

It says “Im the other version of you, guess you can call me Number 2. Now to show you what to do, gonna show how your dreams came true but first you must ingest this"

I drink a bottle labeled Happiness; it’s sour and smelly but goes down quick. I feel so dizzy, what is this shit. Number 2 says “don’t worry but your gonna hate where this is going”

Memories of the past, tears stroll down my cheek and I laugh, “Wait” says number 2 “there is still more to come”

He begins to show me how my dad died, images of the sorrow and the times I cried, “it wasn’t happiness I lied” number 2 says with a grin “and I’m not even done”

He then shows my kids and wife, from misery to joy, it feels like another life. I scratch and claw but I lose this fight, number 2 says “calm down the fun has just begun”

“Your misery will always be, never lonely cause you’ll always have me, I will annihilate your mind and your soul and you have no where left to run”

I wake up it was just a dream, everything is fine not what it seemed, “I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” a voice says from up above

I’m not done with you yet, I’m still inside of you what else did you expect, I’m taking your family, your friends, and everyone else that you love

Fuck your mentality and your goal for greatness, Karma’s a bitch and she’s the only one you’ll have a date with, I shall crush your entire well being cause they say “Enough is never Enough

I’ll make you squeal and beg, you’ll wish that you were dead, welcome to your capital punishment, meet the twins Push and Shove

Do your worst I’m going to stand my ground, My supporting cast will pick me up if I fall down, fuck you and your twins, let the game begin

I have my friends and family, an Angel who protects my heart from anything bad that happens to me, try your game of insanity, my life will not go down in sin

I’m motivated to reach my goals, Success is the key to what my future holds, Determination and Passion are the guides for these roads, and your plan is wearing thin

Just face it number 2 you’re done, your plan was fucked from the beginning I won, introduce your brain to some bullets and a gun, try and see what happens if you fuck with me again

Like I said I am surreal, a king, but not one of Royalty but of my own inner Majesty

Determination and Passion are my armor; an Angel protects me as I sleep

I would take every displeasure of the world to keep it at peace

For I am Sir Real, a King, but not one of Royalty but of my own inner Masterpiece