Gold Mines in these Lines

            Numb, not of pain or pleasure but from the bullshit that goes through everyday life. Numb from a society that preys on the innocent and provides for the guilty. Sad for the lost lives due to violence, both verbal and physical. Distraught by the lack of help to those thinking in suicidal ways, which ultimately result in a permanent solution. Anger towards those that ridicule over gender, race, and/or ethnicity. Confusion over those who decide to do wrong towards their better halves. Intrigued by those that decide to stay with the one doing the wrong. Encouraged by the lack of faith provided by a misguiding teacher. Encouraged by the love and support given to me by a group of strange individuals with similar characteristics, my family. Impatient towards my future, mainly because I want to know if I make it or not. Optimistic when it comes to Love but my heart has been bruised quite a lot. Interested in the peace and tranquility that certain music provides for us. Amazed by the true beauty that this world has to offer. Bewildered by the lack of faith that we as human beings share. Fear for those children born in a wrong home which ends with a rough childhood full of scratches and purple skin. Agony for those owners of man’s best friend who treat said best friend like dirt.

            If I had it my way, the world would be peaceful yet I’ve come to realize that peace could never be an option, at least not for the entire world. It will forever be filled with nonsense violence and stupid hatred. Innocent people will remain to be in danger all because a coward or group of cowards decide, why say something when I can physically show you, by bringing bloodshed. Bullies will always remain for some damn reason. While in high school, bullying was never a problem for me, my school didn’t even know of the word. Even though it was only 4 years ago, the youth of today has drastically changed. Now kids are no longer friends with everybody, each person sticks to their respective group. Feeding off of the innocent of others who haven’t done a fucking thing to them. Women are still being treated like shit by some fucking guy when if memory serves me correctly, he came from a woman. I guess that’s why I’m so numb because of all of this ignorance and useless negativity being thrown around. I’m numb because Life shouldn’t be so hard, sure struggles are a part of life but you’re also supposed to be able to enjoy it and cherish it. With so much anger and misunderstanding, that seems like an impossible task for the majority of humanity. It’s just nonsense, think about it…

Another Mistake Living Deep in my Heart

            Maybe if I would’ve applied myself more in high school I wouldn’t have ended up in a shitty community college. Maybe if I would’ve applied myself more in this shitty community college I would probably be at a better school joining the majority of my friends as they head on with their lives. Rejection is a shitty word for anyone. The multiple forms of rejection is what makes everyone hate it. Plus once you get rejected from something or someone it makes you question and doubt yourself. Maybe I’m not getting what I want in life because of my attitude. They say good things take time, as an impatient person I wouldn’t know. So I guess maybe I’m bound to the life of being a reject on specific things. If that is the case however, how do you reject a reject? 

2 Planets Away / 2 Different Axles

         This weekend made me realize that the future is happening as we speak. The days are going past us by the blink of an eye. Celebrating the fact that some friends of mine graduate within a matter of weeks while I’m still stuck here with nothing to show for it can really make a guy think. Now sure we reminisced about high school and how many people are doing one thing instead of what they should be doing. It got me thinking. I’m still stuck in the same old town. I still have no educational plans aside from attending a shitty community college that I’ve hated since day one. Even if I were attending a decent university, I have no fucking money to support myself because all of the jobs I’ve applied to still salute me with a middle finger. So what in the hell am I doing with my life? That’s the $50 question…

American Terrorist

             Fear struck the lives of so many people a couple of weeks ago. Bombs, explosions, gunfire, etc. Multiple acts of man on man violence well minus the fertilizer plant catching fire but still resulted in something deadly. The search for the Boston Marathon bombers was long and agonizing. And all the while I kept thinking to myself, even if they catch these guys will that change anything? Lives are still changed; hearts are still broken, so even if they were caught, the damage was already done. It wasn’t until a couple of hours later when one of the bombers was dead that I kept reading that they wanted the other one alive. Why? So he can be questioned? That’s reasonable. Because everyone deserves to know why? Absolutely. But again in the end everything still happened and no amount of knowledge will heal those wounds any quicker. The kid’s either going to get multiple life sentences or the chair. Does he deserve it? Justice must be served but it’s not going to change anything. Once he was caught, everyone around the country banded together to celebrate. But I have to ask, when it comes to things of this nature, when it comes to sadistic shit like this that puts everyone’s life in danger, is there really a winner and a loser? Think about it…

Moment of Clarity

 I disappear like an illusionist on a binge of snorting cocaine, magic lines on my pad watch as my mind plucks at your heart strings.

I drink 6 shots of literary liquor, I’m the bad ass resurrection of a normal kid who died a sinner.

I thank the Lord that I wake up every morning yet I know that I can die at any moment.

Perfection is the force I strive for, but being perfect is an illusion so as I grab the deck of life and cut up the cards, watch as I search through them.

Look up at the stars as you hear my voice speak, the words assist the images in your mind while you sleep.

I went from a caterpillar to a wasp and transformed into a demon, it hurts as I impregnate your soul like a baby whose teething.

I vomit and spew out some blood, the piece of paper that it’s fallen on, shows an image of love.

This whole writing thing isn’t just a hobby but more for peace, I do it for my future and for a simple moment of clarity… 

Would You Say My Intelligence now is Great Relief?

            

Short but sweet 

             Look at the sky. We only know very little about the planets and stars and yet all of that shit is beautiful. A night time sky is filled with distant white moths that have apparently already faced their demise. A big face looks down on us as we breathe in the air and just thank whoever we worship that we can enjoy it. I guess that’s why I’m thankful that I wake up every day. It’s the little things we have to appreciate about life. Now you may be having a shitty day or week, but the fact that you were able to wake up this morning should immediately be a win. Shit could always be better and yet it could always be worse. Think about it…

Right Here

            You know the whole friends forever thing has always been quite intriguing to me. No one really remains friends forever with someone cause well forever is a long time. Guess the same rule applies with the whole relationship/ex-relationship scenario. How one person always says that they’ll be there for the other no matter what happens. I've always been that person. The one to never leave and to always stay true to his word. If the bond has been broken then yes I will become skeptical but damnit I cared about you one time or another, so I’ll still be around. Now sure if I've put in effort multiple times but you haven’t then silence is the only other option. Maybe that’s why I've never really had luck in this department. Instead of being spontaneous, I've always been spot on with what I’m going to do and when I’m going to do it. Even when I’m the one who mentions the spontaneous-ness. I will always have a backup plan that will actually benefit the person that I’m with. Sneaky yes, but I am always looking out for them. Regardless I feel that no matter who I end up with both friend wise and love of my life wise, I will always remain right here to help them. And I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing…