I Come in Peace

I always wonder if I’m the type of guy to be labeled as creepy by the opposite sex. Am I a stalker? No. Do I randomly text girls who I think are friends yet we only talk every once in a while with me basically starting the conversation? Absolutely. Am I the type of guy to be straight forward with a girl yet compliment her as well? Damn Skippy. But maybe that’s what makes me creepy. Maybe it’s the fact that I care about people which in turn is how I turned out to be a good listener. I like being a shoulder for others, I’m a giver I guess you could say but again maybe that’s what makes me creepy. If conversations do tend to happen with a girl, aside from the usual “getting to know one another,” nothing changes. I don’t ask for naked pictures, no figuring out whether you’re trying to “fuck or not.” I don’t play that stupid shit; I’m more of the type of person to analyze and respect your mentality and personality before anything else. Maybe it’s the fact that I love women. They fascinate me and not just the sexual/ body language aspect of it. I mean human beings in general; we're some fascinating fucking creatures. What I mean is I respect women, do I understand them however? Hell no but I am a guy so how could I? So I feel as though I’m considered a creeper to the opposite sex although I can’t help but wonder why? 

Everything I Do

Forgive me for anything negative in my past and forgive me for any shit that may happen in the future. I am only a man better yet I am only human. The love I will have for you will only be for you. Even though I’m a hopeless romantic and I’ve had crushes on multiple girls, no matter which girl it was, my attention was always towards her. It didn’t matter if other girls tried to get my attention or if I talked to girls that were merely friends; my line of sight was always aiming at her. I dedicate my time to her. Every story, every piece of this puzzle we call life, all of it just fascinates me. The fact that she’s family and goal oriented matches up with everything I’m about. Future lady of my dreams here is the point of all of this, if we are together I may occasionally talk to other women and not in a sexual manner, I may occasionally not say the right thing but you will be the only one who I’ll cook for, who I’ll be a goofy jackass with, and who I’ll show my undying love for. That is unless it’s the real deal, we get married, and we have a daughter together because then you’ll have to share with her. 

Time of Death

Almost 10 hours ago, a very dear friend of mine passed away. Her name was Blue, she was a Blue Tick Hound and she was only 8 years old. Blue, I just want to say that I’m sorry that you had to go so soon. I hope you enjoyed your time with us. We did our absolute best to provide a great home for you. I hope you know how much we love you and how much we’ll miss you and even though I would sometimes yell at you like any companion does from time to time, you were a fantastic dog and an incredible friend. Say Hi to my dad for us. Rest Easy Girl. 

Leave You Alone

I’m haunted by my memories. The memories of us, the memories of you. Your smile, your laugh, the look you would give me, the sparkle in your eye that gave me a hint as to what you were feeling. Every hug, every kiss, every little bit of warmth that was caused by the both of us.

But I have to leave it alone.

I’m haunted by the stories we shared with each other. Stories of past mistakes and future goals, tales of our ambitious mentalities and how we wouldn’t stop until we achieved everything. Thrilling pleasantries of what we would do with each other if the cards that we were dealt were played correctly.

But I have to leave it alone.

I’m haunted by the expressions on your face when my fingers decided to explore every part of your body. The explicit moans, the awe-inspiring gasps, the joyous shivers and the content smile. The playful yet rough force of our lips touching as clothes were ripped off and skin was beginning to show.

But I have to leave it alone.

I’m haunted by everything that happened between us, all sexual acts aside, what we had was unique. It was comforting and wonderful and intriguing. We were cranium over toes for each other and yet neither of us could fully understand it. I’m haunted by our time together, by our past, by what we were, and most of all by you. 

But I somehow have to leave you alone…

Perhaps They Are Not Stars...

In 5 years many things have happened, both good and bad but the one thing that never changes is the love I have for you. The fact that I miss you on a daily basis and also the fact that even though it barely shows, I am working my hardest to make you proud. Perhaps that is why I always feel the need to share these little messages with you on a yearly basis. Perhaps the work your two kids are putting into achieving their goals is proof that they are dead set on getting a thumbs up. Perhaps that is why the higher power decided to take you away from us. I was mad for quite some time about that but I now understand that you need to be up there to watch over us, to lend an ear when things get rough and to somehow give out a few beat downs when we act out. And even though I understand why you were taken, I still have the right to be sad. I love you Pop and I miss you and I will see you again someday but for the meantime I’ll be looking up at the stars where I’ll see that big goofy smile shining bright, reassuring us that you’re ok. 

Short Story : 606

Change of plans, instead of actually showing you bits and pieces from the upcoming book. I'll be showing a few random short stories first, only 2 or fewer people have actually read said stories so I want you guys to go all out and be my critics, let me know what worked, what didn't work, etc. This story is not going in my book it was just an assignment I had in my writing class that I wrote a while ago that I developed into my own odd/sickening creation. Enjoy!

606

By Richard Gonzalez

            The screech from the tires of the 18 wheeler still buzzed around in my mind. It had been over a month and I still couldn’t seem to get an ounce of sleep. The visions continued to haunt my life. The noises that filled my world were enough to make me gladly accept a straight jacket and a padded room. Sounds of glass and metal shattering and people screaming for their lives. It had been one whole damn month and my mind refused to fuck with me.

            It was a casual Wednesday morning. The sun was beaming and it was a good 82 degrees outside. I was headed towards Centreville to purchase some supplies. The landscaping company I owned was doing fantastic especially considering it was mulch/ spring cleaning season. I pulled into my favorite little food establishment on route 606. A little diner that would make the best sandwiches, only now it’s a parking spot for the neighboring business. A Gatorade in one hand and a steak, egg, and cheese bagel in the other hand, I guess made that morning that much better.

            Pulling out of the diner, going at the normal pace, the only real thing on my mind was just how beautiful the weather was that day. A grey Prius, somewhat new except for the empty space where the left brake light should be, decided to cut me off. Whatever this jackass’ problem was that he was in such a rush wasn’t going to beat another successful week, landscaping wise anyways. Crossing the small bridge on 606, all I really remember saying was “Oh Shit!”

            The grey Prius swerved onto incoming traffic with no hesitation. As I pressed on my brake pedal, damn near smashing my foot all the way through the floor of my truck a la Flintstones style, I was almost hit from the back by the few cars behind me. They stopped in time to witness the grey Prius play chicken with a red Target 18 wheeler. As both cars impacted, the driver of the Prius went flying through the windshield. The front grills of each car became mangled mesh of metal. The front right tire of the Prius popped off and hopped over the barricade of the bridge, swan diving into the river. The grey hood slammed into the windshield of the Prius, causing the remaining glass to be shattered in the process. The front half of the Prius was being devoured by the mouth of the 18 wheeler.

            Airbags deployed immediately after impact. The driver of the 18 wheeler was knocked out cold. The driver of the grey Prius was dead. Swallowed along with his car by the 18 wheeler. It wasn’t until the police showed up and the cars pulled apart that we could fully see the carnage. His head and upper body were engulfed in the mangled metal of both grills. Blood and chunks of meat were laid out all over the pavement and remains of the Prius.

            His mid section remained wrapped around the hood of his car, with both feet planted firmly on the steering wheel. His entrails were laid out perfectly on the hot gravel making a sizzling sound as if a barbeque were to be had. When the police and medical examiners forcefully removed the upper body remains of the Prius’ driver, the grotesque scene of his head being caved into his neck was something that no one should ever see. Especially due to the fact that a few of his teeth and one of his eyeballs were inserted into one of the multiple cuts surrounding his neck.

            Everyone got out of their cars hesitant at first. No words were said at least not until the police showed up and even then it was difficult to get a word out of anyone’s mouth. After a few hours of questioning the driver of the 18 wheeler while he was getting looked at by the medics, my time to get the good cop/bad cop routine came. Considering I was behind the guy, they thought I could provide some sort of Intel. But I was too baffled and distraught from what the hell just happened that the cops withdrew their questions. Plus, considering I didn’t know the guy there was no way I was going to be much help.

            I got home and just hugged my wife who had the strangest look on her face, I guess due to me being home after I had just left. But after I told her what happened we just sat in silence for a while contemplating on the poor driver of the grey Prius. Every chance I had of sleeping dissolved. Hours passed of me tossing and turning, picturing the mangled mess that was left of the Prius’ driver. It came down to taking Ambien and Lunesta by the handfuls, yet that didn’t help with my problem. After about the first week, I started downing a couple of pills a night with a beer or two just to see if I was somehow able to pass out. Luckily one night I was able to sleep like a rock but that’s when the nightmares started happening. My dreams were always of the crash with a few tweaks added. Often times the grey Prius would go over the bridge and fall into the river. Other times the driver would simply walk out of the crash without a scratch and just go on a full blown rampage to try and end his life all over again.

            The most vivid one I remember didn’t even have to do with the crash but with the diner. I remember walking in, making my order, and heading towards the drinks. A man with a red hat and a green sleeveless jacket walked in. From the cuts and bruises all over his arms, this guy must’ve been in one hell of a scrap last night. He had a poorly trimmed beard and bags under his eyes with the most hateful expression on his face. The only thing he kept mumbling was “today is the day.” Over and over again, even when the cashier tried to make small talk those were the only words that escaped his mouth. Everyone in the diner felt quite uneasy; as we watched him exit he got into his car, a grey Prius and just sat there staring down almost as if praying to whoever he worshiped.

            I proceeded to get out of the diner, turn on the radio and take a bite out of my delicious meal. I guess the guy was waiting for someone to leave. The real reason I mainly remember this dream is due to him not cutting me off in it. I passed the bridge with ease, even passed by the 18 wheeler. Through my rearview, I could see the grey Prius hauling ass. With a loud bang, I saw a giant explosion which not only took out the driver of both the Prius and the 18 wheeler but it destroyed the entire bridge and anyone who was crossing it. The sudden tremble of the “bomb” going off caused me to wake up instantly.

            Most nights I would wake up in a cold sweat, gasping for air almost in the exact same fashion that most nightmare sequences go down in movies. I tried keeping my mind occupied to the best of my ability but to no avail. I kept thinking to myself “why would somebody end their life? Not just that but why would somebody want to do it, in the likely chance that it would hurt others?” I once read a blog post in which the author said, “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” We all have our demons; I guess the driver’s demon caught up to him.

            Going back to my usual routine was quite difficult. The whole aspect of going to somebody’s house to do landscaping work didn’t fill me with the joy it used to. Everything the workers did was always wrong and not timed perfectly. On top of that I kept getting horrible hallucinations and hearing tires screeching. I remember one day, we were planting some flowers for a lawyer at his gorgeous home. One of the workers tossed a couple of the shovels down on the ground so that we could dig. A piece of dry dirt from the shovel jumped up from the impact and hit me on the cheek. I looked him dead in the eye and well to tell the truth, I blacked out. In my paranoia, I imagined that the dry dirt turned out to be a piece of meat that flew off of the driver of the grey Prius. I imagined that as soon as the cars impacted all of the guts and blood that splashed out from the crash hit me with such fury. I came to screaming, to all of the other workers looking at me in shock. Apparently, I went off on a huge tangent about barbequed human flesh and the tattered remains of metal meeting skin and bones.

            I finally decided to go seek help and talk about everything that I had witnessed. Due to not wanting to look crazy I decided to seek more family help than professional help. Luckily, a cousin of mine had a degree in Psychology; boy did he get an ear full. I told him all of my problems, detailed the crash exactly how it happened and all of the horrible shit that I saw. I kept going over to his house a couple of times a month. We eventually switched to forms of meditation, so that my mind would ease itself out of this traumatic stress.

            Slowly but surely, time eventually helped calm the madness. It’s been one year since this tragedy happened. It’s hard to block out certain things in life, especially considering I cross the bridge on route 606 damn near every week. After that hellish time, it took about two full weeks to finally regain my sanity and even then it took many more months of meditation to maintain my psyche. I was able to forget about the accident and the scenery that death provided for me that day. Even though I still remember every detail of it, my mind has balanced itself out and although it took some time, I am able to close my eyes. Yet why is it that I still hear the screeching of those damn tires and I still can’t get any sleep? 

I'm Nervous, Truth be Told

As the year finishes up I can’t help but reflect on where I was a year ago. In a semi-legit relationship, whatever the hell that means ha-ha. Figuring out what to do with my life whilst attending a shit community college that I felt I would never escape from. Barely there writing for my so called book and just questioning my life decisions and where to go from there. Interesting how things change in a matter of 12 months. This year I busted my ass in school and now am proud to say that I am officially graduated from said community college and therefore moving on with my education life. I have written many possible entries for my book and have developed the best set up to delivering the message of the book, if it even has a message. Over the course of the next year I will be showing my readers, you guys and girls, bits and pieces of each thing I’ve written for my book (i.e. bits from poems and short stories). Job wise I’ve still had no luck even after a couple or so interviews, but I’m staying positive. Girlfriend wise, nothing as well but then again I haven’t really been looking, maybe once I’m in a new school/ new town I will find that special lady. And even though it’s not thanksgiving, I am very thankful for many things. Most of all, you all, my readers who still surprise me to this day ha-ha. I still wonder how you all put up with all of my rambling and just weird yet detailed thoughts. So I hope everyone is fortunate to have the happiest of holidays and let this new year bring us to even more great moments.