Long Live The King

The King sends the Knights to collect our debts.

Better have that check before you

Lose your breath.

King cheats on his wife

For a bigger pair of breasts.

Queen takes up drugs and pays for sex.

The Bishop holds her hands

As she prays and reflects.

Rooks too young to understand why mommy’s upset.

Meanwhile we're all just here trying to earn some respect.

We're all just Pawns

In a game of chess.

When We Were Young

We couldn’t wait to make our own decisions and not care about what people had to say. We couldn’t wait to be like the grownups, drinking their grownup juice and talking about grownup things. We couldn’t wait to be stressed out beyond belief. We couldn’t wait to be in debt due to student loans. We couldn’t wait to struggle on a monthly basis to pay the bills. We couldn’t wait to work a 9-5 for minimum wage. We couldn’t wait to even get a goddamn interview for a minimum wage job just to get money to pay bills. When we were young, we couldn’t wait to be adults, for the life of me I can’t remember why…

A Virus, I Am

I’m a virus

I am the man of the people

The dream you love to hate

The definition of evil.

A fornicator of knowledge,

I hope the world can deep throat.

As each drop of acid falls out of my

Flaccid pen.

Allow my mind to guide you toward

The 7 stages of sin.

Let me open your thoughts,

Warp your opinion with a twist.

Don’t think of me as a criminal,

Just accept this wondrous bliss as a gift…

I See Fire

Long live the dragon burrowed

Inside of my soul that lets my bones become engulfed in flames.

Locked up using restraints

And chains.

Waiting to be released

So it can soar in the sky like a fresh

Falling leaf from a tree. 

My cave like heart covered in human remains,

Memories that were erased,

Making them stains on a page…

Hello Old Friend

It’s been a while.

Those days of helplessness seem like mere dreams.

Do you miss them?

Do you miss me?

Remember the art we created together?

Words so morbid and gruesome,

Just thinking about it, is getting me all tingly

Do you miss the way I would make your mind wander?

The way chaos and destruction ran through your veins.

My dear boy, how I ache wanting to be with you again.

Wanting to share moments of mortality and pain.

Ah, those were the days.

I hope you write back, for I get so lonely here.

I’ll always be around whenever you need me.

Love,

The Darkness… 

Try Again

By the end of this semester, I felt like a giant disappointment. To myself, to my parents, to everybody. I felt that I fucked up big time. The stress had officially gotten to me. Yet once the semester officially came to an end and I walked away from my last exam and I began to get my grades and I saw that only one was really shitty; I realized that there was no need to beat myself up. We can’t change shit that’s already happened we can only hope that we learn from it and push through. So here’s to next year, senior year, where I’m sure I’m going to kill it…

20 Shots of that Honesty

Why is it that if I choose not to drink, I automatically get deemed “a bitch” or “a pussy?” What part of my not drinking straight liquor but just drinking beer is going to fuck up your drinking? Are you not going to have fun because a few people or better yet one person isn’t drinking? If not drinking makes me “a bitch,” what am I if I actually drink? Now don’t get me wrong on occasion I will indulge and get nice and fucked up but that’s on occasion not every weekend. Especially when it’s hard drinking multiple days in a row that just means you’re a fucking alcoholic. Don’t fucking give me shit for hours just because I have self control and am not trying to get completely obliterated. Get the fuck out of my face with that shit…

That Time Again

As the words blur together,

Visions of death taking over my mentality once again.

Dirt filled graves

Rose covered caskets

Rain and tears pour down on each tombstone due to things that we can’t imagine.

What happened?

How could you leave us?

Angry questions asked for no actual reason.

As the years pass by and the images become fainter,                                                                        

I just really hope that all is well on your end… 

6th Year

“Perhaps they are not stars…”6 years have passed by, almost too fast. Each filled with a lot of good and a bit of bad. One thing that will never change however is the love and gratitude that I have for you. Thank you for the endless lessons that you taught me, thank you for all of the adventures, and thank you for the laughs. And even though it’s hard not to get sad during this time just know that I am trying my best to make you proud. “Perhaps they are not stars…” but thank you for shining like one. I love you Pop… (June 6, 1967 – Feb  7, 2009)

These Things Don't Prove Potential

If school doesn't stress you out, then you are not doing it right. Exams on top of exams, papers on top of papers, bullshit assignments piled on all for just a simple piece of paper. We should not be stressing this hard over this shit. Grades do not prove a person’s worth. Just because I failed a quiz or a test, just because my GPA isn't to a certain liking does not make me any less of a human being. We are all valuable in our own ways. Just because I didn't dress up for a job fair or a job interview does not mean that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. If you judge me based on my appearance and not what I can bring to the table, that just makes you a shitty person. Just some food for thought I guess...

The Eye in the Sky

Pale white skin, battle wounds and beauty marks surround your angelic frame, such a shame.

No one understands you yet everyone has fallen in love with you.

Those around you are of an enlightened stature, they bask in the glow of your preciousness just as you bask in theirs.

A sigh of relief and warmth escapes any being that dares look at you. Majestic, Methodic, Orgasmicaly Hypnotic.

Your mere presence illuminates my soul.

Look At Her

I may not know much about her but I know that she’s mentioned after each peddle

Gets removed from all dozen and a half red flowers.

Stern expression hits her face,

I wonder if she see me looking at her?

Perfume, strong but sweet, kissed my nostrils like cartoon steam.

Her eyes majestic spaces filled with wonderment,

A smile that astonishes,

A mind full of intellect and beauty

And a body that follows it.

Sense of style that anyone could fall in love with.

A laugh, charismatic and joyous

A voice, angelic and boisterous

I’m captivated by her mere presence

And I can’t help it but something about her has me contemplating.

Vivid thoughts of what would happen if I told her everything

I’m feeling at this exact moment.

Feelings of feeling complete and I know I may be jumping the gun at this second

But I can’t help but mention that her mere essence is something so precious.

Something special that burrows itself deep inside of my mind…

The Girl with the Glasses

I saw you from a distance. Straight locks of brownish-blackish hair just resting past your shoulders. Glasses placed on your forehead, eyes tired after what I can only assume was a long day. Smile slowly fading, tough times cloud your judgment, stress levels over 9000. The little time it took from laughing and joking around to my mind consumed with images of your smile was surprising even for me. Even last night when I was completely inebriated, I couldn’t help but think of you and what you were up to. Maybe it was the feeding off of the goofiness from one another or the fact that you’re totally different than everyone else and I know I say that a lot but this is the first time I’ve meant it. You have an interesting mentality, the go all or go home attitude, what started off as fun quickly turned competitive, basketball games tend to do that. I’m corrupted by the corpses of past relationships but when I look at you it feels like we’re in sync. Swimming towards positive things, hearts on our sleeves, time on our wrists, and I promise you that if/when we eventually do become something, I will fight to maintain it. I believe that we can really be something special. 

Hunger For More

A friend of mine refused to eat the remainder of a pizza because there was no pepperoni on it. She said that a pizza without pepperoni is just bread with cheese, so I told her that “we are poor college kids.” Sometimes you have to fucking worry about eating because you are one, watching your money and two, trying to finish all of your assignments on time while trying to have a social life and decent sleep schedule, you have no time to eat and when you do it’s all bad shit. My roommate has had at least 2-4 all nighters; I have gone with no sleep once in my lifetime and I barely functioned. I can’t even imagine going to class and trying to take a quiz. I praise people that can do that because they are striving for what they want to achieve even if it means hallucinating due to lack of zzz's. The poor diet of a college kid is due to the levels of stress going into their body. Why else would energy drinks and Top Ramen be a part of the meal plan? I knew that school would push me to my limit but is this shit supposed to take this big of a toll on you? 

Near Death

If I wouldn't have moved out of the way, I wouldn't be here right now. And it wasn't even like we were in the dark and everything, we had flashlights; the other cars moved out of the way just fine but that damn truck. I almost fucking died last night. I almost got hit by a fucking truck, if I wouldn't have followed my friend, I would've definitely been hit, head on. Hell if I would've been an inch out, I would've been side-swiped. And as if I didn't already hate Ford enough, it just so happened to be an F-150 that almost ran me down. Near death experiences are fucking terrifying… 

Raise My Body from the Ground

An ordinary day, a clouded mind, multiple thoughts cascading down my mental ladder. Tired of work, tired of reading, tired of multiple assignments at once. Words fill the page; the ink in the pen is running low as words keep filling the page. Characters and settings to memorize, poetry to analyze, consistent homework for three days now. Three days. I’m not tired physically; my psyche is the one with the fucking problem. I’m drained emotionally and I don’t know why. Call it being homesick, call it lack of human contact in the sense that I tend to go straight from my room to class then back to my room and shut myself away usually to do homework, or you can call it just one of those damn days. I’m just tired and sure I could partake in shit that’ll help me but those things would just change the topic only for me to come rushing back to everything all over again. An ordinary day, a clouded mind. A clouded day, an ordinary mind… 

Just Another Day

For the first time ever, I’m away from the family on my birthday. And it feels weird. Not only weird because it’s on a Monday, not only because I’m not really going to be able to celebrate it, and not even because I didn't really celebrate it this weekend, all I did the entire time was homework. It feels weird because I don’t feel like it’s my birthday; it feels like just another day to me. Nothing special is happening, no cake, no presents, at least perhaps not until next weekend when Mother Dear comes to visit but for the meantime it’s just another start of the week, another day of class and homework, another day of life passing by. 

Like Fine China

I know nothing about her except for her first name. I don’t know what she likes or what she hates; I don’t know anything about her life or her faith. I know nothing of her past or her present but if I get enough courage to actually say something, I could be a part of her future. I know nothing about her except for what she looks like. Beautiful eyes and a damn adorable smile. She likes to travel or so I believe. She exceeds in passion or so I imagine. What’s her creativity like? Will we be able to compare mine to hers and see if they’re in sync? I know nothing about her except for the sound of her voice. Soft and orchestral, her laugh contagious like the flu and I wouldn’t mind catching said sickness. I’ve only exchanged few words with her but I’ll be damned if I didn’t think about her afterwards. I know nothing about her except for the fact that she hasn’t stopped running laps in my mind for almost a full day, I don’t see her stopping for a break anytime soon and I’ve never been more ok with that. I welcome it actually…

Tell the Reaper Come and Get Me

I have written about drugs, sex, and violence.

I have been in and out of love.

I have helped deceive and have been deceived.

I have had horrible thoughts swimming inside of my mind.

I will throw you under the bus and hold your head underwater kick you while you’re down and proceed to bury your body.

I have had the feeling of my soul being empty

I helped one person cheat on their significant other, on their anniversary.

I was rude to certain people at certain times.

I judged certain people at certain times.

I swear like a sailor.

I am dedicated and determined.

I am not overly cocky.

I will often get drunk specifically to write.

I used to see women as objects for no specific reason. Now I love them for their minds, their intriguing way of thinking, and their personalities.

I used to care about what people thought about me, now I could give two shits about their opinion towards me because I know who I am and what I stand for and I know my strengths and barely know my weaknesses.

My heart is worth triple the amount that my physical appearance is worth.

I speak with a sober mind but spill out intoxicated words.

I speak the truth and rarely find it any other way.

I’d rather have you hate me for being honest than to go about the day lying to you.

Judge me on my past, my writing, or my character if you must, I know that my heart is made out of gold because of my mistakes. They have made me who I am… 

Dear Mama

Being away from home is a real strange feeling. Not waking up in my own room, not being able to see my best friend Odie, feels just odd. Not being close to the family, close to my mom it’s so weird. I’m luckily close to my brother but considering he’ll be working most of the time, I’ll only get to see him once in a while. But I know that I’m here for a reason. I’m here to continue my educational life and succeed, all the while making the family proud. So even though it’ll bring me down from time to time, even though a sudden rush of homesickness will hit at random intervals, I am here for not only myself, not only the family, but I am here for her. The lady that has provided so much love and support and knowledge. The lady that held me when I hurt or cried that shared multiple laughs and that yelled at me or called me out on stupidity. I am here for her; I am doing this for my mom.